Destination: Dream

Peek-A-Boo!

2011-01-31T19:40:00.001+08:00

Heya! I'm back again.

What made me come back and decide to write down my feelings, thoughts and my day was the thought that one day I might not even be able to do this anymore.

You'd think? What not be able to write or communicate how I feel is that even possible? Well, yes it is.

Recently my grandfather was admitted to hospital, on his birthday no less, so that was kinda miserable for him. He had a fall and fractured his leg, the same leg that got fractured many years ago due to a motorbike accident, so yeah old injury that got injured again. Anyway, as i was watching him in his hospital bed, lying there with his hands slightly shaking (he had a stroke before and ever since he lost full control over his left hand) i realised he couldn't really write anymore. He used to be able to write with beautiful handwriting that could put me to shame. Every christmas and birthday we would receive a card, although we live in the same country he liked to send cards.

I thought, he can't pen down anything anymore. What about moments he wants to remember, feelings he wants to express? He can speak just like you and me, but more and more, he's talking less and less. A kind of degeneration? Ever since my grandmother passed away one year and a day ago, he hasn't been himself. I guess it was really tough on him, he loved her very much.

But after watching him and thinking to myself, very soon he won't even be able to speak, and that's when it really hits you, hard. When humans cease to be able to communicate, the very thing that connects us as humans, we start to lose each other. I started to consider the possibility that my grandfather is slipping away from us. He's not seriously ill with like cancer or anything. But he has been through a lot.

A heart bypass, a stroke, multiple heart attacks, diabetes, and now this. Plus he's not been eating well recently, saying he's not been having an appetite.

I remember my grandmother didn't want to eat as well as she got weaker and weaker and finally slipped away.

But I'm not going to mope around or anything, i mean i'm just preparing myself for the inevitable. At the same time im praying really really hard. I know Jesus heals the sick, but if He wants you to be with Him now, you just have to accept it. In the bible, not one person who approached Jesus to be healed did not receive healing. Every single one who came forward was healed. So I will keep praying for my grandfather, and I believe Jesus heals.

But I'm writing this down because I want to document every part of my life from now on, nothing is to be left out. The thought that one day i won't be able to communicate makes me nervous and jittery. Can you imagine not being able to express yourself, hindered by mobility, hindered by illness.

I don't want to leave anything out because this will become a part of history. My history.

It may not be significant to the world, but it is to me, one day if my family or descendants ever read this, it will be significant to them. The life of Jacqueline Ambrose, documented.

So therefore I will be moving to a new blog address:

www.alifedocumented.blogspot.com

I think i've been dreaming long enough, destination-dream will not cease to exist, but it will end here. Finally a resolution to round everything up. A new blog to signify a new phase in my life. Past memories will not be forgotten, but remain exactly as they are: memories, to be remembered and smiled upon. Thank you all of you who are and were a part of everything that made me, me.

It gets harder everytime, but love grows deeper too.

2010-08-17T11:53:00.001+08:00

I can't believe the last time i blogged was in june...that was what...3 MONTHS AGO! Lol, as you can see i really can't keep a consistent update on my life.

Anyway, suddenly decided to blog today cuz i felt like i haven't done so in a longggg time. I have also fallen again, many many times we fall, and it's just so bloody painful, or like done something we really wish that we would stop doing. Addictions, old habits etc.

Finding strength in Jesus is the answer, no matter how many times you fall, be quick to come back to Him and really repent and mean it. He will forgive no matter what you've done, because this is the character of God. It may seem out of the question to some, or others who just cannot believe that such un-ending forgiveness exists. But, it all depends on your attitude. You must really want to repent and change. This touches God's heart when you seek Him with everything you are.

School's starting again soon in a couple of weeks. Next week i matriculate and get my timetable and everything. I'm a little nervous, cuz life is gonna change again. It's not necessarily bad, but it isn't definitely good either. I always get nervous about a little change. Don't get me wrong, i'm not resistant to change, it just always usually takes me some time to warm to things, i'm not the type of person to jump right into things...well not usually anyway. I have to be thoroughly convinced of the idea otherwise it'll take sometime for me to go along with whatever you have in mind.

Jesus is always good to me, slowly revealing little by little who he is, his ways and his heart. I am thankful for that. Looking back, it's really good for me that i came to RCC, without this link back to God, i would still be lost and wandering in the desert...maybe for another forty years if i wasn't careful. This link has grown into a warm family, a protection and a covering. I really thank God for them in my life.

Somehow you just find something missing deep down in the depths of you. TRUST ME, i know that feeling all too well. You feel like more, you just need more, more of what... you cannot explain. I used to feel that way, thinking that surely there must more than this to life, and so i sought adventure. If there was anything fun, i'd be there, always going for events, concerts whatever excitement i could find to feed that misconception.

But i finally realised that all i really needed was God, because no matter how much the flesh and soul is fed with things of this world, there is another element of us, our spirit, that cannot be satisfied by anyone else but God. It's just this way because He is our creator. Think of a newborn baby that is physically attached to the mother through the umbilical cord. Our spirit is that cord, but it can never be cut. Somehow through time, worldly influences and other distractions, we have forgotten that cord and He who created us. We've become deaf to His calling and voice. All we hear today is what we see, the physical. It's difficult because of the nature of our world today is as such. Big billboard advertisements, tv advertisements, television programmes etc bomb our minds every waking moment of our lives. But we can choose not to get influenced by shutting out all these and focusing on God any time of the day.

If you fall, look up to God and pick yourself up. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of darkness and into the marvellous, sparkling light of Jesus.

His brilliant light blinds you and everything else will fade away, and you realise, only God remains.

A new life

2010-06-12T10:46:00.004+08:00

Everything's different, everthing's different, i am not the same.

Well, i know i haven't blogged in eons. That's because i didn't feel like it, i didn't want to and i didn't see the need to. I am amazed at people (namely mok and other committed bloggers) who can faithfully blog, day after day, even though there's nothing much to update about their lives. (Except for mok, who seems to make even her sometimes mundane life seem interesting.) I don't have that type of skill. Lol, for me if there's nothing much to update, i'll just not blog, as you all know VERY WELL:)

Well im blogging because i've received the greatest love of all. Now im not being preachy or anything, even if you think i am it doesn't really matter. The point is that God has changed my life so much. Remember reading all my emo posts, or sometimes even morbid and downright depressing ones? Well, i used to feel so empty that's why.

Life used to just be a great big Sahara for me, a desert with nothing, just lots of...space. It was empty and my life needed to be filled. So i started filling it up with so many different things. People, friends, family, a hobby, dramas and even at times, food. Anything to get me excited about something. To feel alive, like life was worth living. But sadly none of those things lasted.

We were created body, soul and spirit. And i found out the hard way, that no matter how this earth and the things on it can satisfy your body and even soul, your spirit will ALWAYS BE RESTLESS and UNSATISFIED. Yes, with food, material things, physical needs can be met with things from this earth. Even the soul can be fed, with books, music, people's emotions. BUT, there's something you'll always lack, it's like at the deepest part, there's something missing, a hole. And that is your spirit...starving. It can never be filled, except through the holy spirit, and only God can fill it up. Because we were made by Him, our spirit recognises our creator. It calls out to Him, hungry for Him, but we as humans cannot understand what that hunger, craving for something to be filled, really needs. We really need God.

For you see, we are wonderfully and perfectly made, although we sin and have imperfections, when we were created, we were perfect and awesome in God's eyes. But although we sin and become imperfect, we are made once again sinless and perfect through His blood that was shed for us. Now i know it all sounds very religious, blood shed for us. But when you try and think about realistically...someone died.

We all have either a close friend, family member or someone we know that has passed on. Yes, it's the same kind of death Jesus faced. It doesn't mean that just because He was the son of God, He felt any less pain, or went through any less torment. No, in fact, He faced more persecution and more torture than we can imagine. Because Jesus was human too. It's hard to fathom that the son of God would feel the same way we do, and go through the same things we experience. But i tell you this, He was human too and therefore he thoroughly understood every human emotion, pain and thought.

But can we understand Him? Yes, to a large degree, since Jesus was human himself, but it's hard to understand the full weight of what He went through, unless you have personally experienced it yourself. Can you imagine what it is like to be born, knowing that your purpose is to die? Knowing fully well that, in the end, you don't really know if they'll be grateful but you give your life to save others anyway? If i were to come up with a similar situation, it's like telling a girl/boy you love her/him with all your heart, but not being sure if she'll/he'll love you back, or reject you outright. That perhaps can give us an inkling of how Jesus felt. And yet because His father loved us beyond measure, Jesus too loved man and willingly gave up his life, so that we may receive salvation.

It's unthinkable...and yet it has been done.

Ever since i came back to God, He has blessed me in every way imaginable. But it's not simply about receiving blessings, the point is that He gives so freely, and loves so completely, it overflows. His overflowing love, you cannot contain. If you've been to church you've probably heard of the phrase, 'my cup overflows'

It's not only about His blessings, yes they overflow, but mainly it's about His love, which is in abundance. It's really awesome to have Jesus on your side. It's really amazing to have Jesus as your best friend, and it's really touching and comforting to have a God love you beyond reason and understanding.

For no other reason than that of love were you created, blessed, loved, comforted, protected, sheltered, and nutured. Everything was done, so you would feel loved, and naturally in return you would love Him back.

So yes, i have fallen in love with God. It may seem weird to some, but it's true. Its like loving your father or mother, almost the same kind of tender love, but not quite the same, it's stronger and even more tender. The kind that just escapes all words. It makes you want to cry, in disbelief, that someone can love you so much and so tenderly despite all you've done wrong. It makes you want to cry, because you're so touched that there is one person in the entire world that sees you for who you are, knows you to the depth of your soul, and still says, 'I will never let you go, my child, for you are so precious to me.'

Everyday my strength is renewed, everyday He is with me, at all times, during all hours of the day. Whenever i am lonely, he is there with me.

You know i told a few friends recently that i dislike driving alone because the car feels empty, i'd much rather have some company. But all the times i did drive alone, i wasn't completely by myself. I could feel his presence, and at once i relaxed, knowing that he is there for me.

My entire being is filling up slowly but surely. I have been so blessed after coming back to God. I used to feel aimless and bored. But now i know that i have a purpose in Jesus. I have something that i have to accomplish for him. And not because im-a-christian-therefore-i-have-to-do-some-mission-work-or-serve-him. But rather, because you love someone, you want to do all you can to show your love. And because the more you get to know someone, the more you understand their desires and hopes. And soon, they become yours too.

Therefore, the aim of this post wasn't simply to update you on my life. But i want to share the God i have experienced, i want you to know that you too could receive his overflowing love, and God's love is beyond any measure. He loves you nonetheless, regardless and irrevocably. There is nothing He cannot do for you. Trust me;) When God is on your side, no one can be against you.

Well, i have no idea when the next post is coming, so we'll just have to wait and see, heh. God's blessings be upon you all.

Don't forget that He is always there for you, waiting, simply waiting for you to call out to Him, and He cannot wait to give you a hug that means, 'Everything is gonna be alright.'

Waning restraint

2010-03-24T21:43:00.000+08:00

A delightful sip of wine
Burns a trail all the way down
To the deepest depths of one's heart

And when it arrives,
it pools into heavy matter
that weighs on one's heart
What is this tugging...

It doesn't hurt
But makes breathing difficult

Little House

2010-03-11T22:43:00.003+08:00

I love this place
But it's haunted without you
My tired heart
Is beating so slow
Our hearts sing less
Than we wanted
We wanted
Our hearts sing 'cause
We do not know
we do not know

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said
I always know

You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

To light the night
To help us grow
To help us grow
It is not said

I always know

Nice song, i accidentally found it somehow. But i never noticed it during the movie Dear John...but it's a really nice song, with easy chords too. Haha, yeah been playing on sharanya's guitar.

Today i finally got my biometric passport like, after waiting for soooo long. Yesterday went down in the evening...BAD MOVE SIA. There were hoards of people, like in L4D with HOARDS of zombies. I seriously had the urge to pull out a katana and start slicing people. But of course i would have gotten thrown into jail.

But yeah, anyway after waiting ONE HOUR for my turn, the lady simply looked at my passport photo and said, this photo cannot la, hair touching eyebrow. WAH, IT WAS BARELY TOUCHING PLEASE. Sian, sian sian sian sian FEELING SIAN-DED. I went home quite irritated. But then i cooled down and just shook my head. SIAN. So today morning i went to take passport photo again, this time i was smarter, i went in the morning. The queue was WAAAAY SHORTER. Anyway, but i still had to wait an HOUR REGARDLESS. Why? Because collection of passport takes about an hour.

And they had a led system with scrolling messages like: Sms your Q number to see how long waiting time is. Or something like that. When i sent it...NOBODY REPLIED. Lol i feel like i wasted an sms. I felt like putting a sign underneath: 'Don't bother sending an sms, your query will not get answered anyway'

Lol, but yeah finally got my passport. It was due to expire this june. I need at least 3 months of validity in order to travel and it's already march. So, yeah i won't be able to leave the country unless i get my passport validated.

Anyway after that i sharanya for awhile and then we went for project meeting. Which was the same, but our schedule is lagging a bit. Like we're still on last week's agenda.

Okay, i feel guilty for not turning up for the last meeting...but i really wasn't in the mood last friday. IMPT DAY MA. Okok, not that it's to justify my absence, but luckily they were alright with it la.

Anyway, then supposed to meet viviena for dinner, but she was busy. Haha, nvm la next week la. Tmr afternoon meeting rystine and A1 peeps and RA, CAN'T WAIT:)

OH YES, before i forget...i'm starting piano lessons again...aiya, gotta finish what i started ma...no matter how long it takes me. This is something that i just gotta overcome. Just dreading the practising bit.

Okok, cannot blog for too long, must wake up early early tmr! HAha, by the way i posted a picture of my socks being aired by my fan. GENIUS RIGHT? HAha the best way to air your socks:)

Okay, goodnight people. Hope you have sweet dreams, wherever you are.

Overthinking overload

2010-03-11T02:09:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately. Heh, not on purpose...but like, just because. I guess it's also because i have quite a few things to consider. Academics wise and on a personal level too i've got stuff to consider.

God has been really good to me and I can't wait for a breakthrough. The people at church have been so warm that i feel comfortable there. Viviena is always worried and overly concerned, sometimes it gets stiffling but i know she means well. But she has to let go sometimes too, and not pull all the time. But she's trying la, i can tell:)

Mok and rystine!!! WHERE ARE YOU. Can't wait to meet on friday:) I got project meeting tomorrow. Hope all goes well:) Hmmm what else, oh ya my piano teacher called. Crap, i guess i have to start my piano lessons seriously now.

OH YES, i passed my FTT btw! I think it was easier than BTT if you ask me honestly...just memorise the e-trial questions and you'll definitely ace everything. Saw fiona at cdc today, it was really nice seeing a familiar face. I've seen a few srjcians there, but i didnt know them so we kinda just dao-ed each other, heh.

Hmmm what else has been happening...okay la driving, results, courses, uni, photography, God, friends, heart.

Yep those are the stuff floating around my mind right now.

I don't really know how to put it but, i need to stop thinking so much sometimes. I really think i tend to overthink sometimes, and i give myself needless headaches. Yeah la...besides trying to drive myself nuts, i'm trying to live differently too:)

Different how you may ask, i've yet to figure that out;)

Not my will but Yours be done

2010-03-07T14:52:00.001+08:00

Okay, let me get straight to the point. A level results was a shocker. For me at least, i honestly didn't expect to do this well, and i still feel a bit undeserving...And was sad to see a bunch of my friends disappointed as well...

Stupid mok made me worry to death when she started tearing and crying. I know she was very disappointed...and she has so many more challenges ahead of her now. I have decided to be there for them, just like they were there for me during me darker hours. God is also always there, watching and waiting, looking over His precious ones.

Service really widened my eyes about something yesterday. It's His purpose that i have to fulfil, NOT mine. I kept on asking, what's my purpose in life, what do i have to fulfil. But i was focused so much on the I, that i missed God out entirely. And that's not what it's about at all.

It's His purpose that i have to seek, not my purpose to fulfil something higher just because it'll make me feel good to achieve something and get my ego boosted or what ever. It's about heart. Knowing His, and doing from yours. And that's the only way it'll ever please God.

Uncle Sam came back today and his message about Jonah really hit home. It's not my purpose but His. And i'm waiting on that:)

Life these past 2 months plus, have been tumultuous, but I'm holding on to his promise. We'll see where life takes me, which path i go along, it doesn't really matter, not really, cuz in the end we'll all be where He is.

mmm, I think i'm changing...i mean, you don't actually know you're changing but i kinda feel different, inside. Like a certain lightness in my heart, or...like a mood, oh i don't know.

Chalet was awesome by the way...i LOVE the A2 gang, i really just love hanging out with them and talking and crapping with them, of course i LOVE LOVE LOVE A1 Warriors too, but you can't compare the two...there's no way to compare them:) We had loads of fun just crapping(literally and non-literally) and hanging out. And sleeping:) I think this is the most i've ever slept in a chalet to be honest.

Next outing has got to be awesome too..trying to get body parts to meet on wednesday..i think we need a good heart to heart...hadn't had that in a long time again, besides thurs night and friday:)

Okay i am going to end my post here now. I think God works in mysterious ways. And does many things when we least expect it. If we take it in our stride...we'll be stronger and better when it's over.

Ironic tragedy

2010-02-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it. I'm finally free and I feel sian again. Okay it's like this, i got a job at the airport when i was feeling super sian, and i think it was bad timing or something cuz stuff happened in the family and my job got in the way. Right now, i've quit so i can be around family more. Weirdly i feel too free. And it's only been 2 days since i've quit.

Hmmm, could it be? I'm actually a workaholic? No it can't be, cuz i was dreading work. For the first few days, but then i actually started to enjoy it. I mean, i was looking forward to meeting funny, weird and ecentric customers, and having a ball of a time with my colleagues. I was actually enjoying myself AND keeping myself busy and occupied at the same time.

I think it was good that i had all that bustle to keep my mind busy after it happened. But now, i sort of seem to be sinking back into that sad reality...

Hmmm, i know i can't run forever but, bustle would be nice. I think i'm gonna find something to get busy with. Don't worry, i think ppl who know me well will realise i can't keep still for long. I have to be doing something or other otherwise life ordinarily is too dull and boring for me. Hah, or is it the same for everyone else?

Anyway, the sad irony is that with a job im too busy, and without it i'm too free it makes my head hurt thinking about it. Lol, I should embrace this quite period though right? Once school starts(i'm being super positive here) i'll be busy again and i'll see family less and less. Yep, but i can't wait to leave the country though. Soon la:)

Okay, lifewise, im pretty okay i guess, i mean i meet my friends every week, watch alot of tv and drama, play tap tap revenge. I'm also working on a Youth for Causes project with my friends which is kinda daunting but interesting at the same time. But i don't know....i'm still slightly sceptical about it...like i don't know if it's gonna work out. I mean i believe and trust them...i just don't have a good feeling, although i don't quite understand why.

Anyway, that's it for now. As you can see by the fact that i'm actually blogging, YES IM SUPER FREE.

Goodbye Abuelita

2010-02-03T01:49:00.000+08:00

Yeah, my grandmother just passed away three days ago,on saturday night. And here i am at her wake, beside her cold, stiff body, not the abuelita i used to know. But her soul has already reached God, I'm sure of it.

My grandfather is very upset, and understandably so. Imagine spending the majority of your life with someone, a close companion, a lover, an equal and someone you know longer than your parents, just leave you one day...imagine that. I feel very sad for tha-tha, but its really good that family is here. Our family is very big and that's good:) I like being surrounded by family and close friends....it's comforting.

I do miss my grandmother terribly, so do my other cousins. It's a shame they couldn't be here...i think that the distance made them more upset than anything. We skyped today's wake service for them so that although they are far away, they can see and hear, and be a part of the service. It's a sort of release for them too i guess. I had my release on the first day...it was the roughest day of my life to date.

But when the person's gone, you realise you only knew a part of her. My memories alone made her grandmother. But everybody else's memories conbined with mine, made her who she was as an entire being. Not separate entities.

I thank God for the years i spent with her and my cousins, and all the love she has showered me with these past years. May you rest in peace.

Ponder-ment.

2010-01-27T02:10:00.000+08:00

What makes us the way we are.

It's not a question, it's a statement, posed to make me think. And you, if you're interested in nonsense like me that is. Yes this is one of those deep searching posts, so prepare yourselves.

Our very existence, our whole beings that are alive and breathing. What influences it? What affects it? I'm now just talking purely about the physicalities of things. Nothing to do with the soul, yet that is. Our very being, or state of existing does to a certain extent influence and is influenced. A simple example, we take up space yes? Causing someone else to who originally might have been there, go and seek space somewhere else. Logical decision, based on someone else's. Is that all we are? A chain of influenced decisions, one after another, person after person. And after everyone has affected everyone else? What the cycle begins again? Or sometimes, it causes a reaction which involves interaction rather than evasiveness. A possible conflict.

But then again, who's to say that there are only two possible solutions? Well, for argument's sake, oh god i never intended this to become an argument, well anyway, let's just simplify it to two possible solutions. To fight or to run. Hmmm, human instinct would be to run. Right? What about the instinct to protect and fight for survival. I suppose it's wired in each of us differently to respond according to our own experiences and collective conscience??

Okay i don't even know why or what the conversation is about anymore, but i'm definitely wondering about life in general. You sit back and just watch people, life pass you by and you realise and wonder about certain things. Like why do people like clockwork wake up everyday and do the routine things? Is there an end to it? When will the finale come?

The finale of our life....that's interesting. I wonder what'll mine be like. When the curtain closes....will the audience be clapping/

Don't know, anyway back to pondering about life. I was just wondering about our very existence from a larger point of view. Basically purpose i guess. What's our purpose as humans on this earth. Why were we created? So we could exist? For what. And why were we given higher and more profound capabilities than animals and basically any other race on the planet. For what purpose? So we could rule over them and use them for our own advancement? Or so we could co-exist. Or because of our capacity for emotion, sympathy and every other complicated feeling that humans have felt or have yet to feel.

Don't know.

Don't ask me.

I'm still searching for the answers myself.

You must be thinking, whoa this girl has issues.

You know what, you're probably right. I have started to suspect it myself.

Officially the best

2010-01-18T21:19:00.000+08:00

Yes guys, as you can probably tell, i have finally watched Avatar. At first i didn't what the hype was all about. Yeah it was a movie with awesome graphics and an amazing soundtrack, a good story and cool characters...so?

Well, after watching it i realised it was the portrayal of the whole world of pandora and it's characters and how the story was rolled out in front of you that was the amazing thing. It just had amazing flow, concept after concept, and the way the plot thickened, all the while happening gradually as you were getting amazed with the illuminous world of Pandora and the forest.

And the main character Jake Sully was truly a protagonist. A real hero like warrior with a 'brave and fearless' heart. It was basically a good old hero story with lots of cool sideline stuff. The way the story fell into place was good too, i really enjoyed it that the 2hours and 40mins passed by so quickly it didn't even feel like 2h40min.

And the soundtrack was what made everything so mystical and magical. I feel it gave the graphics depth. Like as though the graphics was a flat thing, and the music gave it shape. Yeah i'm bad at describing how it felt like. Although i tend to feel a little too involved in movies whenever i watch them. I feel stuck in their world and need like a day to get out of their world and back to reality.

Anyway that was last night. Today i just hung out at my grandparents' place with my remaining cousin Juan. He's leaving tonight though. I think my grandparents' are going to be really sad. I'm gonna miss him. I already miss my other two cousins, kat and carla.

Yep, been going to viviena's church recently and it's been alright. You know, i always just need a bit of time adjusting but i'm getting quite used to the system and the way things are run and stuff. So yeah, it's all good:)

Grandma's flickering on and off. Sometimes i get scared for no reason, but...yeah i think she is what she is. And she's not doing too well. But i'm prepared. Of course i don't think i'll ever be fully ready to accept whatever fact, but....for now i'm just trying to spend as much time as possible with her. And remember her for what she is, my beloved grandmother:)

I grew up at my grandparents' place after my dad died see, so they raised me at a very tender age, where kids are quite impressionable. So i remember quite a bit about my childhood with them.

As for myself, i've finally called my piano teacher again, and i will be finishing my grade 8 piano. Driving is also on, only thing that's still not finalised is a job. Still looking, keep yer fingers crossed!

Okay that's all for now! See ya soon!

In the middle of January

2010-01-14T03:27:00.002+08:00

It's me again people. Yes, i know you can scarcely believe your eyes. You thought i didn't exist virtually anymore. I was electronically kidnapped, or virtually murdered. No people i LIVE ON THE INTERNET. It's just i 'appear offline' when all the while i really am online. Recently ive been trying my best to show my presence on the virtual world by liking people's status's and pictures and what not on facebook. Twitter evades me still tho and i just haven't got back into the habit of twitting. Sms-ing just takes too much time. Lol i am the ULTIMATE LAZY i tell you.

There's lot's of things for me to do. I just haven't gotten around to doing them. I still have yet to take up korean. And my piano. I told ma i'd continue with my piano and finish grade 8, but i still haven't called my piano teacher. I think it's going to be next to impossible to get a job with this schedule. Let alone one with a decent pay. Oh well, let's just see what's gonna happen. Just like im sitting back and waiting to see what happens in February. Oh, you mean you DON'T know what's going to happen in February?? RESULTS ARE COMING, that's what's happening. Nothing major really, just that IT MEANS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. Well, technically speaking NOT everything. But it does have a really huge weightage if you're looking in terms of my prospectives.

Well, academic life aside, which by the way is practically nonexistent right now. Except for driving theory which consists mainly of symbols and therefore not under the academic category, ok im rambling now. I shall stop the incesscant rambling speeches, which somehow i am unable to...okok back to the point. Other aspects of my life.

I don't know really. I feel like i want to leave this place. I want to go somewhere that will inspire me and invigorate my senses. I feel like...everything's kinda flat and dead recently. Well, that's the me that just crashed into a bush 1 metre from a snake last friday speaking. What can i say, im always on the lookout for adventure. I can't stay still in a place for too long. I get bored and need new stimuli. It's good in some ways but bad in others. And why the need to catergorise or analyse the positive or negative effects? I don't really know. It's just a process hardwired into my system i guess. Every situation i encounter, or almost every situation, or habit or thought, whatever. I just need to somehow analyse it from a pros and cons pov. Or good bad, positive negative. Just some sort of ranking you know. I think i'm weird like that.

Either that or it's just because it's now 2.25am and exhaustion is getting the better of me. This is not ideal as i have my BTT tmr at 3.15pm. BUT not to worry because the guy that i registered for school with ALSO signed me up for 2 e trials right before my test, so i'll get plenty of practise later.

I am also in two minds about piano. Half of me just wants to finish what i started, whether or not im still interested in me. But the other half of me knows that its rather difficult to keep me focused in something that doesn't interest me anymore, let alone something i don't wanna do anymore. Well, so far at least 3 people, or four rather have expressed their views that i should. Against my weak argument of 'im simply not interested anymore.' They see the benefits that i don't. Well, i should probably trust them right, and it is true i'll never really know, it MAY JUST COME IN HANDY next time. I hate that phrase. It may just come in handy one day. What if that day never comes. Will i gone through all this for nothing. I don't really like working for the unknown. But then again, every situation in my life has been like this so far, so what do i have to lose? Just an hour or two each day i guess. Which isn't really anything since i have so much time on my hands right now.

But then what about me wanting to work...Ma said it doens't matter she'd pay for things while she still can. And she urges us to pursue things we want while she can still provide for us. That is true, considering none of us knows how long more she can hold onto that bloodsucking job that she hates so much.

Maybe i shouldn't be so selfish and do what my mother wants. Even tp said he'd rather learn more things. But i really want to earn money for myself la. That's one thing. Another thing is that i'm gonna have to go back to the guy that told me to quit because he sensed that i wasn't so keen anymore. What do i tell him now? Heh...i still have to think about this seriously for a bit more. I haven't quite decided.

Ok i just took a major break from bloggin and have come back 2 hours later. Made a call to lisa to see how she was, and i really miss her...

:( REally REALLY hope i can come over to see her. Somehow. Can God send me over somehow?

Sigh, need some money and for that i need work. Well...i think i'll manage it somehow, one step at a time. Ok!

Feeling slightly motivated now, and with purpose, gonna start revising for my BTT later and then...well let's just see how everything else goes.

End of post, hope you stalkers (which i know are actually loved ones who care alot about me and for that i thank you, really.) enjoyed that:) I'll be back...can't guarantee when, but you can count on it that this is NOT the last post of the week:) SEE YA

Fill me up with something substantial and lasting this time please

2010-01-02T01:38:00.001+08:00

Lately i've been spending most of my time with my cousins. It's been great and i'm really enjoying myself. But i really am missing God. I haven't been faithful with my walk. It's always been so undulating, up and down, high and low. And it's hard for me because honestly i feel i don't have an anchor in church. Yes i know my anchor should be God...I just seem to have difficulty committing. Especially when things seem to be okay in my life.

Today my cousin, Kat showed me a video that reminded me of God. Kings and Queens by 30 seconds to Mars. And it really struck me that God was missing in my life. And my grandmother is also not doing too well...plus other various factors made me realise how empty i feel. Even though im with my family and really enjoying myself. It's when i'm alone that i start to feel all these things.

Lol i know it's the holidays that maybe put me in this mood. New Year's is supposed to be happy and cheery and positive. Which i am, to a certain extent....I'm just exhausted also i guess. Even partying has its limits. I'm sleep deprived and a little hung over i guess. Tomorrow we're having a serious family discussion about my grandma, so that's making me really worried also.

Haiya. Why.

Xmas Holidays are crazy

2009-12-28T13:58:00.001+08:00

Hey guys, yes, i know i did the disappearing act thingy again. Haha can't help it la, christmas holidays are insane for me. Especially because relatives from overseas usually come down and visit and we have so many events at the end of the year.

It started on the 17th Dec with my aunt's party for her colleagues from school. It's an annual thing so i help out whatever i can, with the menu, the drinks, wrapping presents. Just here and there. And we go grocery shopping. Me and my brother were dubbed 'elves' by the neighbours when they say us painting our grandparents' front gate. It was hilarious. Anyway then on and off here and there people would visit and basically i've just been going to my grandparent's place almost everyday now. By the time i get back im too tired to turn on my com, so i just sleep.

My friend left her i touch with me while she's in cambodia so, i'm playing tap tap revenge 2 like everyday now...im addicted. The waveboard is sleeping at home...no time to go out with the guys and play.

My cousins came down on the 18th i think and since then we've been going out too. Went to do christmas shopping at orchard, IT WAS SUPER CROWDED. I didn't know the huge tree in front of ion was hollow, u could actually walk inside it and look at the lights from inside. Yeah.

We went for christmas eve service at St. Pauls. I had to keep myself from falling asleep so many times that i was having double vision. Haha and the next day was christmas lunch at my grandparents' also a tradition for many years now. And the next day was their anniversary, on friday. I invited my friends over and they met my cousins and my family it was good. Alph came super late and fell in love with romeo, my aunt's dog. LOL. Then yesterday we went to the birdpark. Super crowded also. What is it with me and crowds??

Anyway the weather was siao, rain stop rain stop. But then the sun finally came out and that was good. We saw many pretty birds and some brazilian martial arts dance thing. And today, actually now till wednesday is our family chalet. And then the next day, gotta prepare for new year's eve party at uncles. OMGOODNESS BUSY BUSY BUSY. But i'm having alot of fun in the midst of it. Feel guilty that i haven't really been spending much time with friends tho, but we'll probably meet up soon:)

okay anyway that's it for now...my busy life, or rather holidays. I think next year will be a little quieter. Haha,THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT! Happy holidays people:)

Quiz Time

2009-12-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

I don't really think quizzes like these are fairly credible, but they're fun all the same:) Got this from maryamon's blog.

You Scored as French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in a foreign language, especially French or Spanish as they have a greater use in today's world. But other languages could be useful to you as well, such as Chinese, Japanese, German, Italian, or many others. With a major in a foreign language you could teach, or work for a company as a translator or foreign correspondant. <br> <br> It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. <br> <br> Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. A minor in a foriegn language is useful for ANY major. Also, business or political science are great m

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

94%

English/Journalism/Comm

81%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

75%

Religion/Theology

69%

Visual&PerformingArts

69%

Education/Counseling

63%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

56%

Psychology/Sociology

56%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

44%

HR/BusinessManagement

25%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

25%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

25%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

19%

Mathematics/Statistics

Day off

2009-12-04T20:02:00.002+08:00

I've finished with AK camp!!! Woots:) Finally hurrying around like a madwoman and stressing over hundreds of photos is over! These past four days have become a crazy blur. Everything passed in a whirlwind and after getting sucked up ive now landed at home. LOL.

Okay but the experience was good, i was actually sad to go, although i didn't really like it while i was there. The environment was stifling and suffocating. It was tense at first but on the last day i could finally relax and be myself. I think it was also because i didn't know anyone there, but rystine being there really helped alot, if not i think i might have not gone through with it in the first place.

A day would consist of reaching there around 8am, and then taking pictures in crazy rain or shine or both weather at telok blangah park where the kids would have activities. Then we went back and i could choose to take pictures of the rest of the segements. I only had a few mandatory segements to take, and a few personal segments where the kids had with their coaches were off limits. Meaning i wasn't allowed to take photos, but only during those parts.

Yup and then i would come home and sort the hundreds of photos into their separate groups. Which was hard because i didn't recognise all 93 faces. Anyway, my photos averaged 500 a day. The first day i was super enthu and took like 800 photos...then i learned my lesson and took about 400-500 only. But still the sorting was enough to kill me.

So yeah, yesterday when i finished i went to meet mok to pass the hard disk to her. Her com has gone crazy and she needs to transfer all her precious photos before she totally can't turn it on. Hope her dad somehow agrees to get a new laptop for her.

Today was totally wasted time and boring. Spent the whole day at home doing nothing. I woke up in the middle of a thunderstorm at about 12pm plus? yeah, whoo my windows were wide open man, so i quickly shut them, luckily the rain wasn't coming in yet. Yeah, i watched a bit of anime and read a bit of my photography stuff....but i'm bored out of my mind! Can't wait for tomorrow. Meeting A2 for lan in the afternoon, then maybe going east coast park to waveboard, then at night got post prom at carlton! Haha soooooo can't wait:)

I think lately i also need to focus more on God. In times where we don't have pressing needs or crisis we tend to forget God, and that's not alright. But because of this camp i have been praying...hoping that things would go smoothly. And it did! Haha, rystine told me my photos were very well received! They were so pleased with my photos they decided to pay my $50 more!! HAHA, i was so happy when rystine told me, but it was a pity i couldn't see what they looked like printed. It's the first time i got my photos printed...this was really a milestone for me. And i'm glad God planned this for me. I think it was also a taste of what it would be next time. I think i'm fine with the hurrying and bustling, as long as i'm comfortable in the environment. Oh well, only time will tell whether or not i'm suited or whether i can persevere.

But one thing i know is that i really love photography and want to pursue it more seriously:)

Here's another song.

Live like we're dying - Kris Allen

Lyrics from: elyricsworld

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up

we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution
there'll no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying

We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
live like we're dying

[Fade out]

A new beginning, again. A new me?

2009-11-30T00:52:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow i'm starting work at AK camp, I am Gifted. Thanks to the reference of rystine, i got the job. It's roughly from morning till afternoon, but tomorrow not so much of phototaking. But i'm going so i can see how things work and get a feel of the environment.

As always, i'm nervous, not like school events where there are other photographers to back you up you know? I'm on my own, but i guess that's how things will be eventually so i might as well get used to it sooner than later. I have been on my own once before too, at Maryam's cousin, Rufqah's engagement where i took photos for them for a few hours. It did give me confidence as a photographer, although i know personally i'm actually good yet. But i'm getting there. I'm looking into some advanced photography lessons, but as you know, or now know, after buying the waveboard at $120 i'm officially broke. Lol, so EVERYTHING THAT I WANT HAS TO BE PUT ON HOLD.

Well first there's driving, but ma decided to make me a deal. If i taught her the piano, then she'd pay for my driving lessons. You see she asking me to play the piano was like asking me to fulfil her childhood dream, cuz she never got to play when she was younger cuz my grandparents were not exactly rich. Actually, it was my choice when i was younger to play the piano when she asked me, haha but after awhile, i got frustrated with the piano and even threw tantrums when i had to go for piano lessons. Yeah, i did hate piano for awhile, but i really love music, ALL KINDS and yes really all genres. I think because i'm a spontaneous person i love change, i like to keep things random and unpredictable, well not all things and not all the time, but generally. So when things get too systematic and periodic, i tend to get a bit bored. I think i also did not have the desire to really pursue piano then.

Now i'm kinda stuck....like just one grade more to finish my piano 'career' but like, i don't think i can put in the hours. Grade 8 is not exactly easy to pass. Well not for me at least. So anyway, my family and certain friends:) tell me to complete it, then next time can earn money by being a piano teacher on the side if i'm really in need of money. I know and i did think of it before...but knowing me can i really be a piano teacher?

Lol, anyway, we'll decide that issue next time, i'm just buying my time till my mother brings up that conversation again...ugh it's gonna be ugly. Anyway i'm fine with teaching my mother...i just hope we don't end up quarrelling because of it.

Next thing i really wanna do is learn korean, but this one i've really got to pay for myself....cannot keep asking my mother for money, so old already pai seh. Hai but what to do...i'm going out everyday and as you know once you step out of the door, you need money. Why do we depend on it so much...wish it wasn't as important as it is. Well, i guess the more desires and wants you have, the more money you need, money is dreived demand then i guess. Desire and want less.

And the next thing i really really want is a desktop. But it's so bloody ex...sigh i think i just gotta get a few more jobs. Plus christmas shopping and birthday shopping....yikes money money money.

What should i get my mother for x'mas? I really am stuck when it comes to getting things for people i'm close to, not sure why either...maybe cuz i know them too well? Or are they too close for me to see clearly? Lol....don't worry i'll think of something la. Anyway christmas is not really about gifts, for me christmas is traditionally for spending time with family.

Cousins overseas come and spend time with my grandparents whenever they can, and it's really nice to see te entire family gather together, especially when their wedding anniversary is just one day after X'mas, so they can spend the holidays with us too:)

Miss having everyone together in one place, but they manage what they can, it's not exactly cheap to fly so far.

Yeah that's about it, i hope i can do a good job for this camp:) Tomorrow I'll be introduced to the coaching team so i have to be there about 10.30am he said.

Okay, my camera battery has just finished charging, just nice as i have come to the end of this post too, okok good night people, hope your day tomorrow is just as fulfilling as mine will be tomorrow:)

And now, which is sort of becoming a tradition here, i'll post a song i heard today:)

Kim Tae Woo - Love Rain

Lyrics: Jpopasia

Once someone I loved left me and I thought it was all because of me,
so I couldn't hold onto her.

I thought that I could forget this pain,
that another love will come to me.. but why can't I forget?
All I can do is to look up at the sky and shout once again "love me",
when this little hope in my heart becomes rain and falls.

[Chorus]

When my love rains on my head the memories come alive again.
When it rains on my heart I think of the precious love.
When my love touches my lips, I love you shouting to me.
Following the road where the rain comes,
you'll see me waiting for you if you keep on walking, walking and walking.

Open the box called love with they key of faith,
call with the phone transmitting a prayer called love,
even if my heart can't find you.
All I can do is to look up at the sky and shout once again "love me",
when this little hope in my heart becomes rain and falls.

[Chorus]

When my love rains on my head the memories come alive again. When it rains on my heart I think of the precious love. When my love touches my lips, I love you shouting to me. Following the road where the rain comes, you'll see me waiting for you if you keep on walking, walking and walking.

Return again to that time.. to my life like that one time when you prayed.
When I shout like this..... the love rain falls......

[Chorus]

When your love rains in front of my eyes you stand in front of me.
When it rains on my ears, you whisper love into my ears again.
I love you when I hug you, when I become happy again.
Following the road where the sun shines on,
we will see us if we keep on walking, walking and walking.

Yeah ~ Once again praying for you to come back to me

You'll never find it

2009-11-28T03:37:00.004+08:00

Davy Jones sealed it tight,
Under lock and key.
When the moon comes out and all is still,
It'll sink to the bottom of the sea.

I'm going to hide it
You'll never find it.

Not quite what I thought it would be

2009-11-27T22:55:00.003+08:00

Hi blogsphere, I'm baccccck. Yes, it's truly been a long time. Actually, typing my thoughts out like this suddenly feels a little strange and unfamiliar. Weird even. I think I was in isolation for so long while studying that it seems natural to keep all my thoughts to myself not share them with anyone else.

Well, I seem to have had enough of aimless days, lazing around with nothing to do. OR going out everyday and watching my money flow out of my pockets like a waterfall. It feels like my A's have been over for eons, although now when i look back, I JUST ENDED LAST WEEK. But since then I've had plenty of time to think. Well, actually just these past few days.

Things went like this, immediately after my A's on the 20th, I went out with my friends, 2 different groups on the same day, and only went home the next day. First was body parts :) I love my body parts, we've really been through a whole lot together...i think it was God's will that i was to retain and meet them.

Then i went to meet my A2 gang and L4D-ed till like 1am? or was it 12? Tp and his bro had to go so left alph kx and me. We strolled around plaza sing, they were screening free movies at like 2am plus. We walked till orchard, saw all the lights and all. Got hungry so stopped at centrepoint macs? i think, yeah and then we took the night rider home. We were damn tired by that time, could barely keep our eyes open, luckily i woke up before i missed my stop.

Then saturday I went out and had myself a little adventure, all on my own:) Will put pics up on facebook, and my photoblog. Sunday i didn't go to church :( i woke up late and went to meet kx, tp and alph for a movie marathon. We watched gokusen and then straight after went for 2012. I got a massive headache after 2012, all of us did except for alph...which is mad since his eyesight is the highest among all of us. But then since he always says he's halfblind, i suppose that's maybe why he didn't get affected cuz he couldn't see all the effects...JUST THE HOT PPL (^0^) hahahahahahahaha

Then the next day kx had to book in so only tp and alph and me met up, we had dinner at carrefour. Thanks to the introduction by tp, who showed us an area where you could bring anything you bought from carrefour, pay and eat there. There even was standing tables for ppl to stand around and eat. We bought a WHOLE ROASTED CHICKEN i think 0.5KG? for $5 only. It was delicious, we also had sushi. After that I found my WAVEBOARD! that i had been looking for since i saw it on youtube. So i got it and tp and me started trying it in carrefour. They had like a few sets around for people to try, so we got the hang of it and bought one each.

Can you believe it, after that we waveboard-ed through citylink from starbucks all the way till like...after adidas WITHOUT FALLING but then the security guard caught us, and told us off, saying we would spoil their tiles. LOL, but i was really happy that day! Haha, it was super exhilarating. It really gives you a high, the same kind of high i get when i'm taking photos....

So then the next day, tuesday morning i got up and practised straight for 3 hours...haha mad right, i was so exhausted cuz i haven't exactly been exercising for the past month and so i took little breaks every now and then, but i played for 3 hours! HAha it was so fun:)

Then i went for the bbq paula hosted and brought my waveboard to share the fun. Although i knew it would get banged up, i was still a bit sad. But i let go pretty fast haha. My L.E.Ds are totally trashed. Lol. but that's only a small part of the cool factor, the coolest bit is riding it.

The BBQ WAS CRAZY FUNNY NONSENSE.

The sunset was amazing when we arrived, which reminds me i must post the pictures...

Then the next day, wednesday, i got really sick. IT was the most horrible experience ever, i never want to get so sick again, it was painful and really HOT. I already had a bit of a sorethroat before the bbq but it probably made it worse, so my throat got inflammed and i got a high fever as a result. After 2 rounds of panadol my fever was still rising, from 38.6 to 39.2, siao right.

I couldn't take the hotness, it felt like a fire in me, i felt like my head was on fire, my eyes were on fire, my entire body was on fire. I even stuck my head in the freezer a few times, it was just too much... ugh okay enough wit the bad memories of falling sick.

I'm much better now, but i missed my KL trip because of it. Stupid brother is now in some holiday resort in KL enjoying without me :(

Mok said that maybe there's some reason God wants me to stay here...i think so too, just don't know for what.

Since i've been sick, i've had plenty of time to think...i think being sick does that to you...like i was feeling so uncomfortable i really thought, at one point when i was really feeling like hell, that i was going to die.

And i thought of all the people i'd leave behind and of all the things i haven't done, and of everything i could have been. And i knew somewhere that i wasn't really going to die, it's just that i was hallucinating and being delusional from the fever, i think my brain was beginning to fry. Anyway, i thought that i'd better stop wasting time and do all the things i want to do before i really die one day.

And so i came up with a few things i want to attain, but i'm not going to tell you cuz it's a little personal, heh, and then irony knocks at the door, "Hello, this is a blog, where you state all matters pertaining to the personal."

So what im trying to say is i guess, thinking and feeling aimless is not going to change anything unless i really get to doing something to change the way i am. And i think i am changing. Actually i think i have been changing since the A levels.

It really was huge mental and physical battle for me, and im sure for all Jc students. But we each have our own demons, and my demons were in direct opposition to my objectives as a JC student. Heh, but i'm all over that now, God has remained faithful and tided me through, when all was hopeless, he stretched out his arms and carried me through and i'm really grateful. Okay this is starting to sound cheesy, but i'm really grateful for friends who have encouraged me, supported me and let me lean on them when i really needed it.

You special people know who you are ;)

Thanks a million, really.

And now because i'm in an emo sort of mood, here's an awesome song i'm stuck on:

Wedding Dress - Taeyang (from Big Bang)

Lyrics from: KPOP JJANG

I would argue

Then you would cry
As you’re struggling, I would only get stronger
My heartaches behind these shadows
My face brightens up as I see your smile
I worry that you might notice my feelings
And I get scared that the gap between us would widen
I hold my breath
Then I bite my lips
Then I pray that she would leave his side.

Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore

You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry
I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
Every night, I would look back and think
If I already knew the results
Then I close my eyes
Then I dream an endless dream
Then I pray she would leave his side.

Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore

By all means, be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase me out of your heart
Although I tried my best but, no oh~
I’ve been living the lies for too long
Yet, she would look at me and smile.

I leave everything to you

2009-11-13T10:45:00.003+08:00

Let the waters rise - Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to

God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

This song got me through the darkest hours of this week. Just when i thought it was all over, when i thought that there really was nothing left i could do...this song remninded me of God's faithfulness and that i could trust Him. No matter what.

Its tough, it's really tough. This is hardest thing i've ever had to go through, but i feel myself becoming stronger after each battle. Warriors: We will never give up the fight, no matter how bloody it gets. PUSH ON:)

I just wanna be happy.

2009-10-20T13:08:00.001+08:00

Happy - Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose

What you win or lose
You can’t have everything

Don’t you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain
’cause love won’t set you free

I can’t stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me
So what it I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I'm just tryin' to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can’t let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear

But all these days
They feel like they’re the same
Just different faces
Different place
Get me out of here

I can’t stand by the side
Ooh, no
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cuz I’m just trying to be happy

Oh, happy, Oh
So any turns that I can't see
I'll count a stranger on this road, but don't say victim
Don’t say anything

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be happy

Happy

I just wanna be, Oh
I just wanna be

Happy.

This Love - Lincoln Brewster

2009-10-07T00:47:00.001+08:00

One love to overshadow every other love (other love)

One love to break the darkness

One love to overcome (overcome)

Oh Lord

Your love it burns as fire

Brighter than the flame

As surely as the air I breathe

As surely as Your Word's alive in me

I'm held oh grace remind me

As surely as the stars above me

Life eternal waiting for me

And I owe it to this love

One love beyond the heavens and deeper than the sea (oh oh)

One love will be forever greater than my need (oh yeah)

There's nothing on my mind

2009-10-03T19:07:00.000+08:00

I seriously have nothing to blog about. Spent the day studying at school, came home, took a shower, ate and here i am.

There's seriously nothing on my mind except my studies right now. And of course God. I mean...most of the time im stoning or just blanking out.
.
.
.
.
Quite scary eh...It's like my thoughts are disappearing into nothingness.

Nothing
But
A
Blank
Piece
Of
Paper

Here you go.

Yup, that pretty much sums up my mental state at this point in time.

My God is an awesome God.

2009-09-27T11:26:00.002+08:00

"Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

Recently i have been taking comfort in this verse, meditating upon it whenever i am lost, confused or scared. And i have been noticing funny things happening ever since.

Yesterday in the early morning i went down to the ICA building to make my i/c, ok so not so early it was 8.15 when i arrived. BUT STILL early for a saturday morning. Anyway i managed to sail right through, there was no queue nothing! Initially i was worried because magenta told me usually there would be people queuing up from 7am! Can you believe it! And they only start issuing queue tickets at 8am. I seriously thought i was going to have to be at that building for hours. So on the mrt while i was still travelling there, i must have repeated the verse at least 5 times. And you know what? MY PATH WAS STRAIGHT. I walked right in, took a queue number...NO WAITING, when i walked into the waiting area, MY NUMBER WAS NEXT. It was all so simple and easy. I knew God was working in my life.

The next funny and curious thing that happened was after that i went to meet Tong pin and alph, cuz tp lives very near the ica and alph was gg study wit me. But they couldn't come down yet, and i had to wait for them. I waited damn long, like 1h plus, BUT it was alright cuz i had my notes and stuff to study. I was waiting at Beach road foodcourt. Then i had to use the toilet, and i was wondering in my head...does this place have a toilet? Is there a toilet anywhere near? What if there wasn't one? Oh man, i was going to have a difficult time holding it. Then i meditated the verse again, i was thinking God please somehow sort this out for me. Then i couldn't take it anymore and asked the drink stall uncle if there were any toilets in the vicinity. YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID? "Yeah, just straight down here." And he pointed in the opposite direction i was sitting. All i had to so was walk straight down. OMG. Then it dawned on me that God was indeed working in front of my eyes. Im nt a very good interpreter so subtle messages sometimes get lost on me. But giving me obvious blatant signals so i can understand is what God did. I just found it amazing.

Also, yesterday at the F1 race, initially i was not happy at all. Because i wanted to take photos, BUT i had a marina bay grandstand ticket. It was nice at first, i mean the view from the marina bay grandstand was breathtaking, BUT i couldn't capture anything with my camera from that distance.

So during the 3rd practice run i was really unhappy. At first, i was at turn 16 before going to the grandstand, but there already so many photographers there, and this one guy in front of me kept knocking his elbow into my camera. Another guy behind me kept sticking his lens into the space above my head, rendering me practically unable to raise my head to get a better view. Plus the barricade on this particular part of the track was a little higher, so i couldn't see the cars very well.I was so peeved i went back to the grandstand and sat there while watching cars zoom past. I was boring to just sit there and watch cars pass you by...i was not close enough, i wanted to get as near to the action as i could.

And again, i called upon God. The funny thing about meditating is that the more you repeat the words...the more they start to make sense...and in different ways too. I realised that trusting the Lord with all my heart meant that even in the most dire situations. Like when all the photographers were pushing and jostling at turn 16 and how it made me really uncomfortable and irritated because i couldn't even get a good view of the road, how was i supposed to get a good shot of the car? Anyway, i realised that you have to trust God and not how you see things. We are supposed to trust God's higher understanding and purpose. So, sometimes the way you see things is not how God intended it. Sometimes its hard not to be angry and upset at things around you. But if you trust God whole-heartedly he will see things through for you. I also realised that acknowledging him in all your ways means that every you do, give glory back to God. At least that's how i interpreted it. So im stating here that this photoshoot at the F1 is to glorify God.

Sometimes it also just means that you remember how you got the opportunity, or to just thank him for the good and the bad that have happened. Even though u don't know why some things have happened, but trusting God is key and acknowledging his ways are higher.

AND SO, i decided after sitting on the grandstand for 45 min, watching each car pass me by and thinking to myself; each car that passed me by was an untaken photo, an empty frame that i lost. And it depressed me even more. To think that i could have taken those photos! It sorta made me mad. [at this point you probably think im mad and have lost my mind, and you're probably right. Sometimes photography makes my a little crazy cus i love it so much.]

So i decided that during the 2 hour break from 8-10pm i was going to get a spot to claim for my own. I will stake my territory and guard it! So i went down the grandstand and saw an opening, there was no one standing between the 2 staircases of the grandstand and earlier i had seen people standing there. So i went to claim my spot. The yellow bar barricade was a little high but i could manage easily. So i started waiting there form 8pm. When i thought all was done and that God had indeed made my path straight here, like all i had to do was walk down the grandstand and i saw my spot, BUT NO, at 9.05pm some stupid security came and chased us away from the barricade claiming that we were not allowed to stand there because we were obstructing the way.

I freaked out. With 55 min left till the qualifiers started where was i going to find another sweet spot?! I prayed the verse again. And you know what walked around and around to find another spot, this time my path was not so straight, but eventually, eventually i remembered last year when i came the barricades were lower outside marina square that area. AND when i arrived, i realised the road was waaay closer to where i was standing. The cars were only slightly over a metre away from me! IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME spot. Of course a turn would be ideal because that's where cars slow down. But i was used to quick follow throughs with my camera so i was comfortable in breaking my back everytime a car flew down the straight at high speed. HAHA, it was tiring after awhile and my feet hurt, i'd been standing for 2hours now, and my back hurt cuz i'd been following the cars intensely with my camera. BUT I WAS ENJOYING MYSELF IMMENSELY! I was loving every moment, i didn't allow myself to miss a single car, i tried to take a shot everytime a car came speeding down.

I was so engrossed that i actually didn't notice the pain till like there was a break between qualifiers and i was reviewing pics that i realised parts of my body was aching.

But i really just want to thank God for seeing me through yesterday. My biggest fear yesterday was that i was right there at that event, but i would not be able to get a single picture the way i wanted. And that would really frustrate me, like how i was frustrated before. God changed all that, and he made my paths straight.

When God makes your path straight, suddenly everything seems smooth sailing; and that's how awesome he is, suddenly everything will open up in front of you and everything will make sense.

Go check out jarzelophotography for the F1 photos:)

New blog!

2009-09-25T22:33:00.001+08:00

Haha just for fun, i've created another photoblog JUST FOR photography. I don't know if im gonna continue using photoblog.com, might probably, just stayed tuned la!

Well, as you know i have a penchant for creating new things just because i feel like it. Actually i love creating new stuff, to relieve boredom...Well here's the link: jarzeloPhotography i'll post more frequently when i have time la.

I'll also be placing a link at the bottom so if anyone's interested pls click! Thanks, and comment too if you're interested in pictures, photography and the like.

I've nothing much to update just that...lately i've been noticing God more. Like even amidst the humdrum of school life, i'm beginning to notice God's glory reflected. Like this morning and evening i noticed the sun. I realised it's glorious rays that spread across the whole earth and thought to myself...how lucky am i to know the Great God that made this possible. He's so wonderful. Another time i noticed God's wonder was when i went to watch the imperial ice stars perform awhile back. I realised God's creation is so wonderful, beautiful and touching.

Today i realised another beautiful creation that i've realised before, but even more so today; and that is music. I mean i thought i knew what beautiful, raw, touching and romantic music was...I realised today that Schubert's music epitomised all of that. What happened was i was bored and started playing the first book i could find, turns out it was my grade 2 piano book from EONS ago. I played Schubert's Serenade and realised it was a very beautiful and touching piece of music. I started searching for the rest of his music and even wiki-ed him. Franz Peter Schubert, an Austrian composer.

The rest of his music is equally soulful, it gets a bit darker as he gets sicker and faces death. He died at the age of 31. Well, i only really started to appreciate classical music this year, i realised it helps me relax. Magneta looked at me like i was siao when i told her. Viviena also just stared blankly at me like i was all screwed up in my 'brian' AKA brain. Im just making fun of her cuz she once, actually twice IN THE SAME MESSAGE spelt brain as brian. Way to go viv;) i laughed till i cried when i saw it.

Anyway...yeah, if you're interested after reading this go to my blog for the music, or you know just go to youtube or wherever you guys normally go and search his music. It's really good. I recommend 'Impromptu in B flat' It's so whimsical and magical in the beginning and builds up nicely. Love it:)

Oh by the way did i mention, he died of syphilis complications. Or it could have been mercury poisoning...in those days mercury was used to treat syphilis. Oh well...but his music is SERIOUSLY beautiful, simply beautiful:)

Your Glory Revealed

2009-09-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

You reveal your wondrous glory through many ways.

And we stand in awe of You.

The Perfect Balance

2009-08-30T13:31:00.001+08:00

The scale is balanced, i cannot do anything to tip it. I must not do anything to tip it. A single, stupid, selfish action of mine could shatter this perfect picture into a million pieces, and i definitely don't want that to happen.

Well, yesterday i attended my cousin's wedding ceremony at the Shangri La Hotel. It was at the Garden Terrace, right next to the pool so you could see many people in bikinis...some were really WOOH like explosive even, so yeah some of the guests were a bit uncomfortable, but once they realised people were getting married the pool goers stopped walking our side.

So yeah, my cousin is married now, and it made me realise how fast we all grew up. It seems like just yesterday that we were playing together, celebrating birthday parties and christmas parties as a family, and now...they're married! His wife, Hannah is 22. Young eh? That's me in like 3 years time. My other cousins were all like: "Yeah man how to find a boyfriend and get married within that time?" Haha, weddings are fun though, i must say. All the preparation, the cake, the dress..the corsages.

BY THE WAY yours truly wore a dress as well, which KX aptly put as LEGENDARY. Yes, it's true i wore a dress and heels, but too bad it's probably never going to happen again.

Anyway, today went to deliver the pictures to my friend, the post was taking too damn long and her family kept pestering her to get the photos from me so...yeah passed it to her just now...bought lunch and came home. It's a wonderful rainy day i must say, im really enjoying the weather. I mean this kind of drizzly rain is just nice, you know not like a thunderstorm. And the cooling breeze!

Haha i twitted that it reminds me of winter in Japan. I really wish Singapore would have this kind of weather more often. I think its so refreshing and relaxing, rather than the hot and humidness that always makes me sweat even if im not doing anything.

So anyway, yeah i think im just going to leave this perfect balance as it is. There's no place for my feelings right now, maybe not ever but whatever, it's not like it's the first time anyway.

I think I'm going crawl out first before i find myself in a fix.

TWITTER TRUMPS BLOGGER

2009-08-19T17:23:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry people @blogger...but i think it's pretty much official. You've lost to Twitter.

What's twitter, i call it high speed blogging, immediate publishing with an IMMEDIATE AUDIENCE.

Why is that so important? I think people may blog for a variety of reasons, like some self-satisfying need to write about their day and be commented on. Twitter does that with immediate effect.

Plus you don't have to be restricted to your friends only, because twitter doesn't have all the restraints of linking. As long as you add a friend you've atuomatically connected forever and can view what that person has to say.

This is way faster and more convenient, versus clicking on different links on different webpages.

Why is Twitter more powerful? It's more easily accesible and update-able than blogger. You can do it on the web or even thru text messaging. Which i repeat my tweet: "Brings blogging to a whole new level."

Basically your words reach people faster, in a more direct method and people can EASILY reply to your words.

Although the character limit is sometimes frustrating. IT DOES sort of make us keep our words simple to understand and to the point. Which is NOT what blogs have, often we have to read long nonsensical paras which waste time to know what happened to so and so today.

But of course some might say that that is the enjoyable bit, the author's language and whatever humour that may be in the poeticness of his sentences.

Well literal slapstick works fine for me too.

Anyway, i will still be updating my blog...well everyone needs a good lament once in awhile:)

So if you wanna know what's happening during my day twitter would be a more accurate projection...i update by the minute.

Okay that's an exaggeration, but you see, twitter has the capacity for us to do so.

alright alright i know enough about twitter.

Right now im in the middle of exams, SEA history paper tomorrow...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.sigh.

Deep thinking

2009-08-11T13:57:00.001+08:00

I think deeply, I AM NOT EMO. Haiyo.

Anyway this weekend was awesome~!!! unproductive...BUT AWESOME1! Revision is ALMOST, not quite, okay who am i trying to kid just slightly over half done. How to get C's? Anyway, saturday was really super awesome. I felt like a real photographer.

Hopefully they'll like my pics, my friend's cousin got engaged and asked me to take some pictures for them. They were originally just gonna ask a family member to take pictures, but my friend recommended me, so no pressure la. But when i got there...woah, the whole occasion was just splendid and marvelous. A simple gift exchanging ceremony, the Malays really know how to decorate. All the gifts were so intricately decorated, and their baju designs were all so intricate and astoundingly beautiful too:)

AND THE BRIDE TO BE! Wah, she was beautiful, and nervous..haha:)

Okay might put pics up like after prelims la.

Anyway, my bro just got a new flatscreen!! can you believe it, Samsung somemore. I got a tower fan, i mean it was what i needed, ever since my floor fan like exploded and my room was filled with smoke. Really! I think i forgot to mention it, but yeah, maybe it like fused or something.

Anyway sunday was spent at lisa's house and were decided to stayover, it was totally impromptu. Her mom was so nice to accomodate us. After NDP we watched Singapore Idol, and then 300, then brothers grimm, went to macs at 3am, chilled till 4, came back played some intellectual game; you had to manouvre a yellow car like with lots of obstacles. It was hard, we did EXPERT level ok! Anyway i fell asleep at like 5 i think and when we woke at 7.30am it was raining so alph and i took cab back. Im really gonna miss lisa...

Then monday i like basically slept practically the whole day, managed to finish keynes, pretty pathetic tho. And then slept and woke up today.

Actually i didn't really wanna come today, i had half a mind to get an MC, but i somehow DRAGGED myself to school, glad i did actually...lessons were quite productive.

Only now i have to do the articles things AND perfect essay...grrr

PRELIMS~~~ somehow i don't feel as scared as i should be...im even kind of anticipating it. weird huh, but im so not prepared. I don't know, i was telling paula just now in the cab on the way home, how i didn't feel as scared as i should be, i feel kinda excited to be taking on this challenge actually. Pau says she's shit scared. Viviena also told me she's damn scared last night. But these people work really, really, hard. They work harder than me, so i understand that the exams can be daunting, but they have every reason to be confident too. C'mon guys, you'll definitely do well. Like what Magenta twitted:

"Put in your best, and God will do the rest."

Yup i totally agree:)

Alright going to do serious studying now. Getting off the net...RIGHT AFTER I CHECK FB :P

Makes us wonder

2009-08-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

I don't know why you love us so much.

Unconditionally.

It makes one ponder deeply about your will.

"Your will be done"

We think the world is huge, looming; the universe is too large, it's beyond the comprehension of humans.

Humanity.
You alone hold the universe from crumbling into dust.

And yet You are larger still. The creator of all these, is right beside us, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.

You are here; You are God.

The Hangover

2009-08-01T00:25:00.005+08:00

THE HANGOVER - A super, over the top comedy that will blow your mind. The unthinkable happens, the unimaginable appears, a grown man disappears mysteriously, and a baby is found in a closet.

The cast: a groom, his two best buddies, one a doctor...not really just a dentist actually with an aggressive bitch of a girlfriend, and the other a laid back, unshaven but married school teacher that likes all that is bad. Throw in a father-in-law's mercedes, a gay, moronic yet intelligent brother-in-law(who's choice of underwear really undermines what little intelligence he has to go by) and add to that lot, a hooker, a tiger, a holocaust ring, a faggot chinese gang leader, a map to vegas and lots and lots of alcohol and you've got yourself one hell of a bachelor party in vegas...oh yeah one little thing...DON'T FORGET THE 'ROOFIES' without which, more than half the above mentioned would not be possible.

Watch and all will be understood.

When ephemeral memories reappear

2009-07-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

We never realise it, but everyday, fleeting moments - a smile, a laugh, even our frustrations, our sadness, a pat on the back, learning a lesson etc...all become pictures in the slideshow of our life.

No matter how mundane life may seem in the present, it's worth increases in value as time goes by. When we look back, we realise all that's been taken for granted. Why are we overcome with nostalgia and even a rush of sadness when we happen to chance upon our past?

Because we miss those times, or because we regret we didn't do more, feel more and be more. There's no stopping time, on a one way street where it's continous ebb and flow can take us in an instant from the past to the future, sparing no thought for us, in the present.

I didn't mean to get distracted, I couldn't help but notice the beauty of your words, and its underlying consequences.

I need to see the larger picture, i need to think the larger picture. I want to see more, feel more, do more, be more. Lest i look back in sadness yet again.

And yet through the fog, i see the smiles that tug at my heart, unwilling to let go. Suddenly it all becomes familiar, strangely so, until i realise that it's because i am not the same.

Change, the ONE constant.

And because of it, i can move on, even while holding on to what seems ephemeral. As i guard them, selfishly, jealously, i realise that i must first release them to make room for the new. I have to store them somewhere safe, somewhere deep, till they become more than just ephemeral moments that seem randomly picked. It knows that in this department, space is not an issue...it never was, for as long as the human heart can love, it's capacity is boundless.

Precious bubbles that cannot exist for long in the heat of our current world, we know they are reminders of who we were, and serve as an affirmation of what we can be.

Sorry guys for this emo-sounding reflection, but it's not just an overly emotional post, i assure you. I'm just pondering on the value of memories, and the emotions that come with the act of reminscing. You look back and things play in slow motion, though you didn't intend it to, and as a result the emotions you experience are heightened, without you willing them to be. It's not about being captured in the past, or even unwilling to let go of the past, it's about remembering.

Forgetting is a dangerous path that leads to destruction, however, it's also the path of healing and recovery.

Thoughts can flow for eternity without filter, so before that happens i better just stop here. Let me rest awhile, and equip myself for battle once more.

Life in the making

2009-07-24T23:44:00.008+08:00

The weeks are flying by, literally flying i tell you. ITS LIKE i just started school and in no time it's friday! I intended to finish so much by this week and yet i'm not even half done. Which is bad, real bad.

Luckily God provides good friends to go through this together with me:)

Decapitated ghost that haunts the study

Messy study desk (which some insist reflects one's state of mind, i beg to differ. Because i call it an ORGANISED mess:)

Rystine's past self. Luckily she has transformed and deconstructed that part of her identity to reconstruct the NORMAL rystine we know today:)
Of course the extent of her normality is debatable to some, whose thesis is mainly, "very small extent"

mok/sloth/perpetually hungry/ghost/scary/the list goes on... prepares to nap

mok/sloth/perpetually hungry/ghost/scary/whatever...looks like a beggar taking a nap.

Ahh back in the days when we had the time to "watch our fingernails grow" (one of her favourite lines) we took it for granted.

I'd probably enjoyed myself even more if i had known how much shuck i have to go through. Of course i know it's only a short while more to the A's im just complaining while i still can. I'm not totally enjoying myself here, but i must say i think i'll probably miss aspects of this period of intense mugging. Especially the times with friends, studying together, playing together, eating together etc.

Well but there's no time to pre-reminisce even, but guess what, life is what happens when i am busy making plans. So ive decided im gonna live in the moment. Not take each day at a time, yes i'll do that but i'll plan too. And live in the present at the same time. Some say it's impossible to be at two places at once? I don't think so, i feel in our mind we can be living in the future, for the future even as we live and exist in the present, for the present.

About Elisha, i honestly have no clue. What ever could prevent a rational thinking human being from penning his thoughts down? I mean he can't make his judgement black and white, well it just kinda defeats the whole purpose of a written exam doesn't it.

Some have deductions that lead this way, while others see things another way. I say there's only so much we can do. I don't want to and at the moment can't bring myself to give up on him yet. Why? Cuz there's still hope. It is human nature to cling onto hope, i think it's one of those things that are built into us, either that or God preserved Noah's memory of the dove who came back with a leaf in it's beak to signal that land was around and that the floods were receding. Elisha's mind is that piece of leaf, and as long as we know that he has it in him, we cannot give up.

I don't know why but he just cannot do it.

Oh well, we'll continue praying, and continue hoping, talking, scolding, encouraging, cajoling and like rystine told me, "If i can i'll do anything for him to write and do well. Anything."

"Anything."

C'mon just show us something, anything.

Thank you

2009-07-16T23:34:00.003+08:00

For keeping with me through the good and the bad of times:)

Thank you:)

and Thank you:)

This was just for fun LOL!

The weary eye may not see the shimmering end

But know it is there.

And with all your might

Bend towards its light

Memories, new and old. (Pictures from my phone)

2009-07-11T19:07:00.013+08:00

cleaning duty

Water supply was cut off

What i wanna do

From a wonderful email

School/sports inspirational - AWESOME

My life is dertermined by this

Flumpool - nice japanese band

2PM - cute&funny korean boyband

tangible hotness

Tablo from EPIK HIGH - BEST KOREAN RAPPER I'VE EVER HEARD!

Super talented

Lyrical Assassin

Rhymes life a machine gun

Epik High - Amazing korean rap band

Multi-talented Tablo

Tablo's cute&fun side

There's always a framework for everything. {{caged imagination}}

Filing time

Cosplaying in Singapore (Downtown East)

2009-07-10T16:05:00.000+08:00

then again, the familiar is scary too.

Fear the words unspoken

2009-07-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

Fear the words unspoken

Fear the unknown

Rather than what is said, spoken and familiar it is always scarier to not know.

Why. ARGH. t~e~n~s~i~o~n hate it.

I'm tired but i can't go to sleep

I'm sleepy but can't get rest

And when i am sleeping im not actually resting.

Ignore this weird random out-of-this-world post. I've got one foot in dreamland, the other chained to Realland.

The weary battle rages on, but our hearts grow stronger

2009-07-08T23:18:00.004+08:00

Our weary battle rages on, there's no stopping. Slowing down perhaps, but not stopping. From here on out, it's a one-way trip, full steam ahead, non-stop journey till we reach our destination. Well, temporary destination.

It's worth it
IT's worth it
it's WORTH it
it's worth IT

it's definitely worth it.

I came across a video that i remembered touched me when a friend invited me to her church event, called Dare you to move. I remember it touched me deeply and till this day, i still feel the message of the song is relevant to my life. It just sort of speaks to me.

Cry out to Jesus - Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

Chorus

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith and love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

Chorus

When your lonely (when you're lonely)
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Chorus

I guess God communicated to me through music, and not like in a loud booming voice. I used to take the phrase, God talks to us literally, especially the 'talk'. When i was younger i always thought that God would literally speak, in a clear audible voice, to me. Thankfully i've woken up from my age of innocence...(hmm is that really a good thing?) Anyway i see that God uses people, signs and even songs to tell us things.

I have one incident to recount, in which God used me, unbeknownst to me at that time, as a messenger to deliver a message to another.

It was Christmas last year, 2008 and my aunt(she's a drama teacher) invited her colleagues one night, it was X'mas eve? Or New Year's Eve? Can't really remember, yeah but on events like these, it's the norm for the Niece(me) and Nephew(my bro) to help out with party preparations. So i was tasked with choosing and writing out nicely, in beautiful handwriting the different bible verses. And she had already selected a good mix, all i had to do was just narrow them down a little more. ANYWAY, the point is that i selected one that touched on marriage specifically, and it said something like, "If God prepared marriage for you, He meant for it to work out." Or was it....it will work out....something along those lines la. The gist was that don't worry even if things are not very smooth right now, cuz God means for it to all work out, just have faith.

And guess what, one of my aunt's friend who was invited that day, was in fact having some marriage problems. And i think was one the verge of divorce! How apt that she got that message. And when she read it aloud, she got a shock. Everyone looked at my aunt, for of course she knew the situation with her friend. But my aunt shook her head and smiled in wonderment. "I didn't choose it, Jacq chose that verse, i had no idea. But you know what this means right."

Everyone was like woah, it just so happened that i picked a message that was meant for her, and she rightly picked it too. Cool huh, God can use you to be a messenger for others too, without you knowing it. Just by doing things you normally do, you'd never think you'd be able to touch someone's life.

Her marriage? I don't know what happened after. I guess i'll have to go ask my aunt, though i really hoped it worked out.

Anyway, here's a pic of poor Ah Hei...hope she gets better. It seems to be healing, it's stopped bleeding and just doesn't look as bad as before.

Piles of work.

Tons of revision.

Acres of essays.

Amazons of content.

But an abundance of love, joy, happiness and fulfilment.

Till the end, YES WE CAN.

Let's do this A1, YES WE CAN.

Finally today...THE SEPARATION

2009-07-07T00:16:00.003+08:00

My hamsters have been fighting for quite some time now....maybe a month or so? Or even before June, i can't really remember. But today i got the signal that it really was time to separate them.

For awhile i thought, well let them have their little bitch fights, no one was getting harmed anyway, and it was kinda fun seeing them play block catching in a cage. Yeah but that was till i saw the wound behind Ah Hei's ear.

Oh mannn it hit me hard, and it hurt me to see my hamster get hurt. I knew Ah Bai had been bullying Ah Hei but i thought it was just a harmless show of domination and i was sort of hoping the two would remember their sweet memories as babies and sort of....i dont know, reconcile their differences? I even bought a bigger cage that was two storeys so they wouldn't really fight over space.

Yeah but that didn't work out and i'm sorry Ah Hei if ive been neglecting you, Ah Bai too, but still, yeah the wound looked like it had been attacked at repeatedly, so I think Ah Bai must have been biting Ah Hei behind the ear for quite some time now....there's quite a large patch of hair missing and just raw flesh exposed.

So i have finally decided to separate them, it's for the best i guess. I suppose hamsters can live in solitude and not go insane....as long as they have enough things to do and stuff to play with they should be fine....yeah but I think the bullying and torturing must have done some psychological damage to Ah Hei. [not to mention the bar biting and swallowing of poisonous paint]

She's become very timid and quiet, not adventurous, sort of like a recluse. She just stays on the second floor and is very cautious and doesn't venture far from her safe haven[a small plastic house]. I guess cuz she thinks Ah Bai might be lurking downstairs waiting to get a bite of her. For such cute, cuddley creatures they have an extremely vicious side...sigh. I guess for Ah Hei's condition to get better I have to wait, these things take time la i guess.

But i read that hamsters are very forgetful and spending too much time away from each other will cause them to forget each other's scent. I guess if i ever get them to meet again, they'll be strangers. How sad, they'll forget that they even grew up together.

Sometimes i look at all the animals on our earth, magnificent and powerful and beautiful as they might be, i'm thankful that i am a human. I have the intellectual capacity to think, make judgements and form opinions, voice those opinions, love and feel and finally, i have the capacity to have memories of all my experiences.

Amygdala; an almond shaped part of your brain that records the emotions of your memories. Hamsters don't have that, that's why they behave that way. In fact hamsters probablly don't have half the stuff that's packed into the human brain.

The human brain is so wonderful don't you think? There's so much yet unknown about this magnificent organ, and yet everyday we take it for granted. In fact without realising, we often take life for granted too. When something is there everyday, you conceive the notion that it's probally going to be there the next day too, and the next till you think it's going continue to be there for a very long time and we take it as a given.

I wonder how things will work out for those two, if Ah Hei becomes bolder and goes downstairs. If Ah Bai becomes any less domineering after having a space of her own...

To make tomorrow fruitful...GROW FRUITS.

2009-07-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

Okay lame i know, i just couldn't help myself.

I'm really happy i got to meet up with A2 today... been missing them alot lately... Not everyone came, just the usuals Zarifah, Sarah, Gillian, Tong Pin, Alph and me. Usually kx would be here too, but he had to book in so i guess he was spending time with his family. Tp only books in tmr cuz of H1N1, one of the coast guards caught it and so they quarantined his entire squad. Of course not everyone's been quarantined if not there'd be no one guarding Singapore's coast.

Anyway, we went for dinner, i came pretty late, but was in time for dinner with them, YAY:) Haha, im smiling even as im typing this. Ahhh, i guess i really do miss them. SOSOSO glad i met up with B.O.S today...usually one of them would be missing. HAHA, we need to meet up with Lisa too more before she goes.

Sigh isn't amazing how fast life can pass you by, people moving on, going places, doing different things, we can't be together anymore but when we do get together it's as though we never left at all.

I felt this with the Jap trip people too, though to a smaller degree. Like when we had a gathering at ms yeo's house, it was like we were all still back in japan and nothing had changed. I know i may sound delusional but that's what it felt like. I'm not trying to escape the present, im actually enjoying every moment of it:) AND im estatic for the future, like i can't wait to go to uni and do things that i love, and challenge my boundaried even further. There's just one SMALL(not really) giant(small giant is an oxymoron by the way) that i have to get thru before i can live my dreams...well almost.

Yeah well im going back to school tomorrow to plant fruits...i mean be fruitful:) HAHAHAHA, not funny meh? Ya and hope that it all works out la. I know I myself have to be consciously hardworking and continue with this attitude. I hope that when i do....if i do sort of burn out, God will send me another motivator or igniter that will spark me off again. Of course seeing and reminding myself of photography does the trick. When i look at professional photographers i really wish i was one of them.

For now....all i can do is ASPIRE. Which reminds me i need to log on and download lecture seating arrangements...HAHA not funny again la jacq, pun intended also not funny. {Right ignore me talking and laughing to myself}

*A2 cheers me up*

Dinner, (not) to die for

2009-07-05T00:07:00.003+08:00

Hey guys okay I'll say one thing in all fairness of tonight's gala dinner, the people, the atmosphere, heck even the music and entertainment was good. Except dinner. (Well i did say one thing in fairness, more than one thing in fact.)

The food was edible...in fact it barely hit even that mark, BUT i shall say no more. With the TWO exceptions of the entire dinner...one entrée (sirloin steak) and one dessert (cheesecake with strawberry sauce) the rest was rubbish. (OH not forgetting the wonderful mint chocs at the end that I concluded was actually the highlight of the entire dinner.)

The dancers were damn good as always, Rystine's friend, sheryln was dancing right in front of my table, so of course being a good friend i snapped LOTS of photos of her. I think rystine's gonna love me...HAHA. Anyway, at least i had Elisha, John, Clara and Ann Na for the night to be bearable, even Omar who was sitting next to Clara was far more interesting and funny than the programme.

But i can't really complain much, i mean it clearly was more a night for the alumni to meet each other and catch up after 20 odd years, than it was for current students, especially the pioneer batch. Imagine how nostalgic meeting up after 20 years must be for them! Haha, it's really none of my business but i'm glad that those people got to meet up and chat with their friends. Makes me wonder how my classmates will look like in 20years, more importantly, WHO they'll be. Where they'll be in life...married maybe? With kids even?

Also im really really proud of my 07 class. They did really well, especially the you know who(s). Haha wont mention their names, they've been repeated so many times, it's starting to sound old. But seriously i feel proud of them. And same time next year, i hope they can be proud of me too:)

I think God puts certain events at the right time of our lives to remind us of things we have forgotton. I won't say what or where or when, just in case i jinx it....like everything else that i seem to jinx just by saying it out loud, or declaring it, or trying to convince myself or WHATEVER it is. I just hope it comes true.

When that time comes, i hope i can make you proud of me:)

Also, i was quite sad actually tonight that the dinner ended late and i didn't get to see A2, but i think God knew and tp suggested we meet up tmr! Whoo, usually sunday's family day but tmr im gonna make an exception since i didn't see them today....okay yesterday since it's 12.20am already...so i guess technically its yesterday.

Going to head to bed now, gotta wake up early tomorrow for church and praise the Lord for everything He's done for me....which i haven't really been doing lately. {guilty}

Blogging habits & life that revolves around an 'A'

2009-07-04T12:44:00.002+08:00

I have obviously not stuck to my claims of the previous posts and haven't blogged in what, months? It's not that i hate blogging, but i don't really have much to say. Lol im probably just a boring person then.

but you know what? Im constantly craving for adventure. Heh, pretty weird right.

Anyway, these past few months have been tumultuous, from common tests to term 2 and the mid years, it's just plain crazy i mean, the A levels is no joke. You either work your butt off, and it has to be CONSISTENT work or you'll end up with nothing.

So what right? I mean what's all the damn fuss about the A levels it's just another important exam, like all important exams you have to work hard.

I'd would like just like to say that it is just another exam, but it's different in every other aspect. In terms of rigour, mental matureness, mental flexibility, its emotionally and physically challenging(especially your hands) ...well basically what im trying to say is that it's an extremely demanding exam. It tests both range and depth.

I'm not trying to make excuses to cut myself some slack, i just...well want ppl to know what we're up against. In a increasingly competitive market that's already small to begin with and space is limited, it really is a fight to the death. The one that survives is the one with stamina and with heart.

I understand it's just something we have to go through and i know it's not long before we reach that critical corner, and then finally the A levels. So im just holding on tightly and desperately trying to inch my way up.

We all just need a little more courage. It is possible, yes it is.

yesterday's post is late

2009-06-01T01:44:00.003+08:00

ok this should count as sunday's post.

Yesterday i woke up late, i was supposed to be up by 8, but i woke up at 9. Clara was a LITTLE upset, but yeah it was fine after that, sorry....

We were meeting to make sushi for the play, Much Ado about Nothing, it was picnic style at Fort Canning Park. So anyway, made my way down and bought the stuff.

I realised that GIANT was seriously overwhelming, i never want to go grocery shopping on my own again, THERE WAS SO MANY ROWS OF STUFF! I wanted to cry, good grief, i'll definitely not make an ideal housewife. Anyway, finally found the stuff, NOT ALL THE STUFF. I'd really wanted a sushi-oke. A large, round, flat wooden bowl for cooling and seasoning sushi rice. But even daiso didn't have it, should have gone to a jap mart eh, but no time la. So anyway got the stuff and took a cab down to her house, since i was already late, AND THE RICE WAS SO BLOODY HEAVY, i didn't think i could last the train ride down from harbourfront to serangoon.

So we met, and started slicing, dicing, cutting, cooking, frying, mixing, stirring, folding, shaking, shimmeying, i tell you i've learnt the vocabulary pertaining to cooking ALL IN A DAY.

But it was hard work from washing the rice, to cooking it, to seasoning it and finally rolling them into sushi was the hardest part for me, no, scrap that, after finally rolling it, cutting it was the hardest. I would roll it all nicely, but then when i cut them into pieces, the liao would all fall out. Sigh, i ate alot of failed sushi yesterday, now im so full.

But it was fun cooking with clara. We managed to do things we never thought we could. And we did things for the first time, like washing rice, cooking rice and making sushi! It was life changing...seriously, it was the first time i felt that cooking was hard work, not to mention with a time limit to keep to, woah, it was like we had to race against time with our sushi.

But i really enjoyed myself. After that we went to Fort Canning park for the play. It was really much ado about nothing. sorry don't mean to sound MEAN, but it wasn't as fantastic as i thought it would be.

Yup, we managed to finish one tupperware of sushi which was good, and my rice-cooling-fan had been put to good use, to keep ourselves cool during the play, wah the weather nowadays..it's seriously no joke. Global warming is becoming an issue.

Okay tmr school in the morning, and then i guess study. Better begin the holidays right, so that we can gain momentum la.

See ya.

OH PS! We saw MANY stars...like when we were walking up the hill, newly wed couple Michelle Chia and Shawn her husband were walking just behind, Juli, clara and me!!! We told magenta she went nuts and took pictures with them, OK FINE WITH SHAWN ONLY. Then then guess who turned up!!!! Nat Ho and another guy which paula thinks is hot, i agree. But we didn't know his name. HAHAHAA then magenta LOST IT. Me along with her lost it too.(as you can tell my broken english) So she took pictures again la, HE PUT HIS ARM ON HER BARE SHOULDER. Haha she's damn happy.

Ok yeah that's about all...oh i really liked adrian pang's bathing suit during the play when he played Benedick, it was and orange and white striped pattern, hilarious.

Phew sometime to finally sit back and relax

2009-05-29T14:29:00.005+08:00

Mid year exams are over. I've just realised that practically half the year is gone. This year has been passing by pretty fast. I've also realised that when school starts, i get so absorbed and into the routine i dont have time for much, and i sometimes 'disappear'

Hmm, this holidays has to be utilised properly, seriously seriously no more fooling around or procrastination. I always say i want to do and be better on my blog but really, it never happens. I always have a plan, sometimes even a really good and wonderful one, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN I DONT FOLLOW IT. I think what Al said before was right, im too easy and soft on myself. But i can't help it, i listen to my body too much i guess. I should stop.

That day with Juli at waffletown we talked about achievements. As we talked we realised how much our lives revolved around school alone. It was like school was our entire life, everything we talked about with each other was 99% of the time about school work, teachers, people...nothing else. And she doesn't want it that way.

I can understand her frustration but i also know that we don't really have a choice. Just 5 more months and all the pain, anger, frustration and every other emotion evoked would be worth it. But it's really difficult to keep the end in mind when even the first step begins with pain, and it just keeps getting worse.

I know you might think im whining, yes maybe, but this is my way of letting off steam, complaining helps me put things in perspective and i remember why the hell i got myself into this in the first place.

Today, i felt the thrill of being a journalist, haha, sort of la. It's a really minor incident and i didn't actually interview anyone, OR take real proper pictures. What happened was there was a fire a eating place near my school, a zi cha stall i think. I saw an enormous cloud of smoke at my school field, at first we thought there was a fire in the school itself, then i thought no la there would a fire engine in school, the alarms would have been raised and a fire emergency exercise that we practiced(fire drill) for would be carried out.

We walked to the tau huay shop opposite school that area and found that it was the zi cha stall. I walked around to see the back of the shop dripping wet, they had just extinguished the fire, i think it must thave been a gas leak.

Anyway, the hustle and bustle, the excitement, even though it was just one fire engine and the firemen, but i was excited too haha, and sort of wished i was a real reporter so i could find out the story behind the fire.

Here's some pictures of the scene, along upper serangoon road, be warned, there's rather plain and ordinary.

The side of the zi cha stall

The back...

And here are my "Nothing-to-do-with-school" goals for this month of 'holiday'

1) Say less "I should have done this/that" and more "I'm glad i did it."

2) Get better at photography by looking at more books and practise more.

3) Start jogging

4) Blog consistently

5) Follow a plan through to the end (like this one and a few others)

okay, that's all from me now, see ya tmr.

Britain's Got Talent

2009-04-22T01:23:00.004+08:00

Ok past weeks have been up and downsy.

Umm. Hmm if im reflecting on my goals, i'd say i am nowhere near now. And do i intend to reach it, of course! How, that's the problem. Aiyah, Dammit, im just not doing what im supposed to be doing, i KNOW im not doing what im supposed to be doing, I KNOW WHAT im supposed to be doing YET im NOT DOING what im supposed to be doing.

Hope this doesn't constitute my tragic flaw which will supposedly cause my downfall. Yeah yeah, i shouldn't even be on right now.

Ok anyway just to let you know how unproductively ive been spending my time...Ive been youtubing, DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, you're equally guilty, every last one of you!

HAHA, ok just click for smiles:)

Greek Irish Dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gHvATmUsSg

Andy dancing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktHxY30xImA

Bewitching...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq7uA_clzI8

Strongman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ-wruqV8Mk

(This is a real jaw dropper, M18, PLEASE click only if you're legal...lol)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFQS9Fci4SY

And for the good stuff.

Good Evans Family singing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjm2i37xSM8

Flawless dancers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GrOMLylvhQ

Susan Boyle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

12 year old http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVU4IkzMNIo

Something to look forward to

2009-03-22T22:30:00.004+08:00

Okay its doomsday tomorrow, school reopens.

IT'S CRUNCHTIME.

I'm not as adequately prepared as i wished i was, but i have a plan. Now i need another plan to get me to stick to that plan. HmmMmm.

Anyway, today the sun was smiling at my window again as it went down to make way for the moon. You may ask me, is it worth sticking my camera out the window of an ELEVEN storey HBD apartment just to get the picture?

Yes.

Don't worry i always wrap the camera strap securely around my wrist and i hold onto the strap with my left hand. I'd probably jump right after my camera if it ever slipped from my hands.

okay, so here's some pics i took today.

And here's some things to look forward to:)

Saved before hell's gates open on mon

2009-03-21T23:49:00.004+08:00

Okay ive got a phone, the same model different colour, there was no more white.

But you know, at the very least i have a phone, so im very grateful and will NEVER BE CARELESS WITH IT AGAIN.

Now i have to go about hunting down my contacts, which is fine too because i deserve it. Let this be a lesson to me and unto all of you.

Never be careless with your phone, unless you have money to burn, then lose your phone, but in which case will cause you to lose all your contacts which cannot be retrieved by burning more money, therefore i propose OVI.

An excellent, functional website http://www.ovi.com/ that allows you to save all contacts, data, pictures, calendar events, ETC all online, all you have to do is sync it to your phone, or from your phone to the pc/laptop whichever you are using.

It syncs at the speed of light, seriously it took me less time to sync like 70 contacts (which i just retrieved today) THAN it would have taken me to delete them, so yeah, that's how fast OVI syncs ALL YOUR STUFF INCLUDING NOTES AND EVENTS. Very fast, very efficient, very convenient as its online.

Well, advertising aside, i REALLY REGRET NOT KNOWING ABOUT OVI BEFORE LOSING MY PHONE.

Can you imagine my agony after finding out ONLY HOURS after i lost my phone that i could back up all my stuff on OVI, well because i was looking at the nokia website for another phone, but then an OVI advertisement caught my eye and THEN ONLY had i realised my stupidness.

If only msn or facebook had advertised OVI would my life be less miserable now. Not that it's their fault.

Anyhow, the hols are coming to a close and ive achieved/accomplished ZERO. Last day and im going to choing up mount everest's father. GREAT, wish me luck.

Btw, did i mention the sunset this evening was just gorgeous:)

Omg true anot?

2009-03-18T21:28:00.005+08:00

Okay as you can probably tell, I've been blogging alot more recently.

Well, i can only say that i seem to be using my blog as a rebound, since i lost my phone. Sigh, YES i am on the rebound.

But the reason is also because MSN has now become my inferior substitute for a phone, and as a result im on the internet THE WHOLE DAY.

Anyway which brings me to the reason why im blogging again, i saw a few very interesting pictures which are too horrific, but interesting, but still scary and i dont wanna post it on my blog, also in case there's any rights or plagarism issues that i have to deal with later, which will just result in more shit on my head(refer to title of previous post lol.)

OKAY ANYWAY THE POINT IS: Some fisherman found a weird aquatic animal, not human not fish, some sort of hideous mermaid, a far cry from the Ariel disney created, this creature certainly wasn't pretty. In fact, she/he looks extremely out of the ordinary. Id speaks:(DUH JACQ, YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL THEM you moron, THEY KNOW its not normal)

OkayOkay so here's the link, go check it out and decide for yourself if you want to believe its real anot.

http://iseeireadipublish.blogspot.com/2009/03/fisherman-found-this-newspaper-not.html

You know what my idiot-arse brother said?

"Maybe it's a lost prop that floated away."

YEAH. OMG i really dont know what he's thinking sometimes, but i wouldn't rule that out either actually. It's quite probable.

All's good again

2009-03-18T19:54:00.003+08:00

Okay ma and i are alright again. Not that we wouldn't have been, after all i'm her daughter and she's my mother, we're bound to quarrel and make up like almost immediately. That's a family i guess, you know each other's traits so well, you know they're gonna make you mad, but yet u can't stay mad at 'em for long. I thank God for families, for my family.

Perhaps not make up immediately. Immediately would be my brother actually, after an exchange of cuss words an f flies here and i immediately shoot one f back. Then i stomp off to my room, sometimes it plays the other way, he stomps to his.

Then, silence for what, 2 minutes -------------------------------------------------

Then, [knock knock knock] "Hey did you watch Slumdog Millionaire?"

"No, not yet why? Was it good?"

"Yeah, it was quite cool, i watched it with my friends. Want to know the ending?"

"No, you idiot don't tell me!!!! Argh!!!"

{Swiftly covers ears and stomps to room again, but this time for a completely different reason.}

Well, some may say our bro-sis relationship is abnormal, and you know what, I COMPLETELY AGREE:) hAHAhA.

Anyway, mother bought my spongy thingys for my ear piece, wooh! BEEN NEEDIN' THOSE FER A VERY VERY LOOOONG TIME. If there was a scale to measure the extent of wear and tear, i strongly believe that scale would be broken.

I'm SAVED! Phew, no more sponge getting stuck in my ear now.

Doc, there's a hole where something was.

2009-03-18T18:13:00.009+08:00

Today was a bit sad and depressing for me. I have good friends whose relationships did not work out. I met one friend, but didn't get to meet the other. I think comforting TWO sad, depressed girls would be too much for even me.

Not that im complaining, they didn't me force into listening, i was genuinely concerned, it's just that, i couldn't help but feel their heartache too.

Everytime will be alright in due time la, you can't do much now but watch, wait and bear the pain meanwhile...

And it also reminded me of my love...oh Beloved E71

"Doc, there's a hole where something was,
Doc, there's a hole where something was..."

Fall Out Boy - Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes

I’m coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people’s dreams
Now buzz, buzz, buzz
Doc, there's a hole where something was
Doc, there's a hole where something was

Fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don't worry
You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry

Put him in the back of a squad car, restrain that man
He needs his head put through a cat scan
Hey editor, I’m undeniable, hey Doctor, I’m certifiable Oh

I’m a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match, I’m half doomed and you’re semi-sweet

So boycott love, detox just to retox
And I’d promise you anything for another shot at life
Imperfect boys with their perfect ploys
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
(Wants to hear you sing about tragedy)

Little girl, you got me staring odd,
Oh, or was that just a telescopic camera nod
P-P-Painted dolls in the highway, truck stop stalls
Lot lizard scales cool your nightlife moods
All the rookies leave your badge and your gun on the desk
when you leave the room

I’m a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match, I’m half doomed and you’re semi-sweet

Boycott love, detox just to retox
And I’d promise you anything for another shot at life
Imperfect boys, with their perfect ploys
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

Detox just to retox, detox just to retox
Detox just to retox, detox just to retox
Detox just to retox, detox just to retox
(so boycott love)
Detox just to retox, detox just to retox
(boycott love)

So boycott love, detox just to retox
And I’d promise you anything for another shot at life
Imperfect boys, with their perfect ploys
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
(Wants to hear you sing)

Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
(Wants to hear you sing about tragedy)

Shit falls on my head

2009-03-17T19:10:00.005+08:00

Okay one less reason to be happy, i lost my phone.

Mother at first didn't make a big fuss cuz she thought i had already d/c my line.

But when i told her i hadn't she kicked up a huge arse storm of a fuss, and i currently do not feel inclined to speak to her. Shouting never works on me, you should know by now right. No, she doesn't know.

If you start speaking irrationally and shouting randomly causing me to not understand what the darn singtel person was saying to you on the other line, then i shall stop listening. Honestly, because you don't even know what the hell you're saying, why should i listen to your nonsense.

Yeah sure, scold, rant and rave at me, i do admit it's my fault for being careless and not taking 'care' of my things as you so accused me, but when you are not able to communicate clearly and just start RANTING...that's when i will switch myself off to you.

And she has this irritating tendency to start shouting at us (my brother and me) about other irrelevant things that she can now start scolding us about just cuz she's on a roll. Like, why can't you clean the toilets! Good la no phone now! NO PHONE! See how you survive! Wash your own plates i tell you! Everytime i iron your shirts! Next time iron yourself! Good la no no phone!

You see what i mean.

I hate it when she gets all irrational like this. I'm just locking myself in my room for the next few days, gonna try and avoid her. Till she cools down, seriously no point trying to talk to her now. She's like a sleeping volcano, once errupted ALL HELL IS LET LOOSE. wooh!

Our house macham screamsville.

Sigh, just gonna try and hide in here as long as possible, till the tiger woman's anger is relinquished.

East Coast Park BBQ

2009-03-17T01:47:00.006+08:00

WOOH the bbq is over! I just came home a while ago, at around about 1.20am.

It was much more fun than what i was expecting. I came late, ard 7pm, aiyah i should have come earlier, i really wanted to blade longer, but in the end we could only rent it for an hour. Anyway, it was quite tiring, im more out of shape than i thought. Lol, didn't blade for a long while, Shawn and I had to get used to the blades. Haha we practised at the beginners area while Viviena kindly waited for us on her bike.

I promised ms rivera i would pass napfa in May, lol it may seem pathetic, but it's a personal barrier that i've never been able to break through for the longest time. And i feel now's the time to break it. I mean, it could mean that i can break even more and harder barriers then. It would signal the start of a new and improved ME.

The principal's talk this morning was actually good. I was motivated to set a firm goal, it may seem lofty that i wanna aim for Nat Geo, since competition is stiffer than stiff, and only the best can get selected. Well then, i'll just have to become one of the best. Its going to be tough, i know, but nobody said that tough means impossible.

He also talked about mentally visualising something, it's called mental preparation and that your mind is a very powerful tool that can shape your actions. I do believe that, and i also believe in the power of God. I believe He'll bless us, even though sometimes it doesn't seem to be a blessing.

Rystine once wrote for me something she called RYSTINE'S QUOTE OF THE DAY. She suddenly pulled out a post-it and looked me straight in the eye and said,

"Even though it ain't best, God knows its best for you."

Ok, so today ended on a scary note, Alvin stepped on some sort of large piece of barb wire mesh....some metallic piece and had a huge, deep cut under his big toe, blood was flowing like nobody's business. Simran, Ben and Shawn chang took rotational turns to carry Alvin ALL THE WAY TO MACS. It was a tough and long, arduous journey, but with much cheering from the crowd (Christine, magenta, munees, alphonso and me) we made it!

The rest of the pictures are on magenta's facebook, or her blog. If interested pls go, i have her link on my links page. Lots of jumping, some sparklers, random things that were taken randomly at random moments....haha you get the idea. Magenta's probably hard at work uploading what i can only estimate is about 1000 plus photos taken by us today.

THANKS TO THE TEACHERS THAT CAME and brought food, sweets and cookies:)

Well people, this is it.

NOW OR NEVER.

It's GO time

It's been awhile

2009-03-15T12:49:00.006+08:00

Yeah, it's been awhile since i posted. Mmm where shall i start, life has been the same, pretty usual, school, home, school, home. Last week i ended my common test, on thursday. I screwed it up la, lol that goes without saying, didn't prepare enough and last minute revision just couldn't save my ass.

Yesterday, I met Clara and we went to check out NUS's Open House, after checking out the different courses which, needless to say the average cut off would be AAA/A, we wandered back to Vivo, tried to find inspiration for our photo competition, btw the deadline is drawing NEAR!!

Yeah, hung out at this AWESOME FRENCH CAFE called Fre(N)sh that juli once took me to, dont really know why it's called that but yeah, i had creme brulee, TO DIE FOR, it was seriously GOOD, AWESOME, ORGASMIC, O.M.G. even though juli said it was alright the last time, but i think this time it's even better, i dont really know why.

Then we met alphonso and went for the mosaic fest at the esplanade. Tonight was jazz, i must admit i find some jazz a little hard to appreciate especially if there's no singer or no trumpet or a main instrument, just raw drums and guitar, it does get a little boring after a while.

Okay so basically that was my day yesterday, so im gonna post up the pics which speak for themselves. (actually not really themselves, wit captions la.)

NUS from the overhead bridge

The dorms i guess?

This is where we got our free coke

Look what they used as a cooler...HUGE BLOCKS OF ICE!!

On the overhead bridge

Traffic...

Tribute to the bougainvillas that usually get ignored.

AWESOME! NAT GEO AT VIVO!!!

I honestly can't tell if it's an antler-less deer, a donkey or a horse.

Other than the pictures that were up for sale, this wall was the next best thing in that shop.

Cool artefacts and whole collection of books from around the world

You can actually buy artefacts, mmm original or copied? Im not sure, but definitely expensive...

Price tag: $1,495

PAREE!!!!

Of course, merchandise - shirts, bags, you name it.

At the cafe, FRE(N)SH

shucks not very clear...

clara, looking like she's bleeding from the head

She ordered a tiramisu, i could taste a bit of alcohol in it....naughty underage ahh

My TO-DIE-FOR Creme Brulee

Mouth watering right...

Here's what a mouthful can do to you

ME: "I've died and gone to heaven!"

CLARA: "No, you're still here..."

ME (in my mind): "Yeah. Thanks for killing the moment."

Clara always laughs at me, and i can never figure out if it is AT or WITH.

Photographer in action!

Of course, you need inspiring subjects! ...MOI

The dirt on Singapore River

outdoor theatre

Man standing near phallic object. mMmm.

The Photographer

The Subject

Proof of my randomness

Sheikh Haikal and Annabelle Francis...could never understand what happened.

Anyway the band we heard was Phunk Mob

Powerhouse

Love the new fixtures at the esplanade, looks very 3D.

And we ended up at our usual place...STARBUCKS.

Clara went home, so Alphonso and i watched a horror film, funny shit, DONT WATCH IT, its a horror film about a horror film, people who watch it die, cuz the female pontianak follows them home and kills them by gouging out their eyes. Lol, but if you're looking for a laugh and have 9 bucks to burn..THEN GO.

"you really want to to see me die!???!"

That's the end of my day. Can't say my blog is dead anymore!!!

crisis...crisIS...CRISIS!

2009-03-05T22:32:00.004+08:00

Today the main water pipe at my school burst.

It was pretty funny at first...cuz the guys all came out of the toilets holding their hands out to us and asking for wet tissues to wash their hands, CUZ THERE WAS NO WATER.

It was gross, but still funny the way they all held their hands up in the same way....until i realised i was urgent and had to go. Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore.

No water meant no more kopi from the drinks stall (which meant i could not stay awake to study and had to settle for less quality coffee by buying 50cents kopi from the vending machine), no more drinks from ANY STALL for that matter, no more washing hands, no more flushing toilets, no more bathing after a hot, sweaty, stinky, smelly, sticky pe session, no more NOTHING!

It was a crisis, we tried holding off drinking too much, or eating for that matter, cuz the process that comes after digestion needs A HELL LOT OF water to flush down the bowl...AND THAT, WE DID NOT HAVE.

PUB TO THE RESCUE!!! WE ARE SAAAAAAAAAVEDDD!

Hello hello dont cut my queue chicken rice AUNTIE!

Lol i loved the portable toilets tho. The thought of peeing/ and actually peeing in the open (of course the door was shut) was just liberating.

Paula couldn't hold her pee in the end...

Haniel trying to make the experience all the more memorable...

Hopefully the water comes back soon. FIX THAT PIPE!

The District - starring OBAMA

2009-02-22T19:56:00.007+08:00

THANK YOU NEWSWEEK! I found this new series pretty interesting so im posting them on my blog.

A NEWSWEEK production following the first 100 days of barack obama. Short snippets of what obama's been doing over the weeks, the challenges he faces and the response his stimulus package is getting from the republicans.
The voice of obama has been imitated by iman crossman pretty well by the way, enjoy:)

PS they air every monday on NEWSWEEK.COM

Show me what im looking for - Carolina Liar

2009-02-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

wait, i'm wrong
should've done better than this
please, i'll be strong
i'm finding it hard to resist

so show me what i'm looking for

save me, i'm lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

don't let go
i've wanted this far too long
mistakes become regrets
i've learned to love abuse
please show me what i'm looking for

save me, im lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for

save me, im lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
to save me from being confused
wait, i'm wrong
i can't do better than this
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused

show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

E*Trade Ad

2009-02-05T00:02:00.000+08:00

Lockdown

2009-02-04T21:25:00.002+08:00

They are escaping. And i thought i had kept them in tight security. Not now, please not now, please stay where you are. I can't handle it right now, there's nothing more important at present.

You're all going back, when you can be released i can't say, i wish forever you'd stay hidden. You are neither id nor super ego, why do you even exist.

I really don't have time for you, yet you are inextricably linked to me, to everything i do, everything im about to do. The grey gets grey-er as black and white start to mix like a whirl wind that leaves no trace.

The bigger picture? I can't see it but i'm sure it can't be pretty.

FOR: SHARANYA

2009-02-01T10:50:00.004+08:00

Dearest DARLING-SHARANYA,

Happy belated birthday!!!!!!

Sorry it's late, this post was supposed to go up yesterday. Hope you had a wonderful time!

GodBlessYou:)

LOVE,
Jacqueline

Whirl winds and evil things

2009-02-01T04:10:00.003+08:00

Things have been extremely crazy lately, and i haven't been able to organize my time. ARGH why does this year have to be the do or die year. Why does this year have to determine the rest of my life. Why do we have to go through pain for the sake of my education and my future. Rhetorical questions to which i already know the answers still have to be asked because its only been 3 weeks and im sick of it all.

Sick of the hustle, sick of the bustle. Sick of the pressure and sick of the work. Sick of mashing my brains over, sick of expectations. No will? Yes, i can admit that that's what i've been lacking of late, and if dont rectify that fault it will destroy me.

Start now, while it's still early right, but at the same time being tested and challenged emotionally, mentally, intellectually and all the ly's i can think of....it's just gives me a massive headache.

All my friends and family are at different points of their life, how i envy them having gone past this stage. Well, except for the friends i go to school with obviously they have more or less similar goals and expectations to live up to as i do.

I may be complaining but this is the only time i get to do it. I know im not the only one in pain therefore i cant exactly whine in front of them too. sigh sigh sigh.

People going away, people coming here. Sigh sigh sigh, im not going anywhere, im just stationary, me.

Life is short though and pain is temporary, it's just that this temporal pain feels like eternity since eternity has no bearing on my senses or logic.

Dreams, we all have them, relevant or not, whether we want them or not, i mean both night dreaming as well as aspirations. There's a difference, it may be a big gap but there's a connecting bridge and that's...well that neither will come true until you act upon them. And aspirations may as well be dreams you enjoy only in your sleep, for they are certainly not tangible and not a part of reality. They float among our thoughts and motivations and confuse us so. Well, i can't speak for the rest of humanity but i will say that i am confused sometimes. But then i remember the higher power, God and His purposes to which are unknown, may never be known unless according to Him it shall be revealed to you. THE GREAT PLAN.

Who knows what the future will bring, such cliche phrases will not be uncommon here. I am a fervent believer of all things cliche. Because really, who knows what the future will bring. IThe near future yes perhaps i see the world on the brink of a global economic recession, a new president in power, symbolising new hope and even an end to the seemingly 'un-endable'.

Sigh, hurry up and get over with it. Bleak, perhaps.
Im not exactly all sunshine and bubbles at this exact moment, and so i choose to leak all my dark negativity on the accused evilness of our world, the internet. Goodbye for now.

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging

2008-12-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i met up with Sharanya and Adilah, its been so long since ive seen adil. Haha business woman la she. Watched Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging at Ehub. I loved it, another funny chick flick.

Plenty to ogle at, i GUARANTEE you, haha full of "fitties" as they call it, maybe British slang for hotties. Yeah its about this funky girl who's not pretty but she's funny, and one day 2 sex-gods (this says alot about their looks) walk into their school, just transferred from london. So she and her group of friends known as 'The Ace Gang' stalk the non-identical twin brothers. Apparently their parents got a divorce so they came with their mum and opened an organic shop - like a grocery store, just a really healthy version. Anyway, the protanganist Georgia and her next best mate jas try to make an impression on the guys at their family store, it turns out hilariously wrong, but making an impression nonetheless.

Georgia devices a plan next to actually get the bros to fall for them, she uses the 'angus advantage'. Angus is her weird pet cat which turned out that way due to ill treatment from her bonkers younger sister. Anyway, the guy she likes is called robbie, the other brother is called tom, robbie loves cat and he has a cat of his own. She asks jas to release the cat at the right moment, while she hangs out with robbie on the pretence that she lost her cat and he helps her to look for it.

As you can guess things dont go quite according to plan, but she manages to get robbie to like her a bit, and her friend jas hooks up with tom.

Yeah anyway the whole movie is how she devices plans and fails but succeeds eventually with getting together with robbie.

A very true to life version of the life of a modern teen girl. Same problems, same situations, haha just that hers is a little too good to be true, that 'it's only a movie' feeling eventually surfaces when she gets her fairytale ending with the guy she likes.

Haha, not everybody can get the guy they want.

But i really enjoyed the movie, good looking actors, funny main characters and an interesting plot always works for me!

My entire playlist is the soundtrack of the show:)

And i return...to my sad, timeless life.

2008-12-21T04:58:00.003+08:00

Yes im backk have been for the past 2 weeks actually. Life has been a blur of parties, chalets and outings. Mornings usually occur at like 12pm onwards...not much of a morning huh, well you can figure out my sleeping hours now.

Anyway japan was a blast, beautiful, memoriable, nostalgic, awesome, amazing and i wish it was longer. Ahh but the prettiness and wonderfulness has to end...to make room for MORE haha. Well the japan trip to me was like....throwing a handful of glitter into the air....lovely while it happened...but ended too fast.

Next year is definitely going to be a challenge for me, i dont know if there's any fight left in me though...lately i feel i've been getting too comfortable for my own good. Things might get bad if i dont gear up before school starts.

Why is reality so competitive...but i guess its the reality you want to believe and live in. Hah, does that mean i can choose a different world to live in? ok dont mind my insane ramblings..if my clock hasn't rotted yet the time should be 5.05am. Yup those that know me know im not an early riser...AND NO i did NOT wake up at 5 in the morning just so i could blog. Obviously i haven't slept yet then...i think this year i've become more nocturnal than ever before.

My personal best: 48 hours without sleep. Cool huh. what happened was the first night i didnt sleep cuz....well cuz i just was up...watching YOU KNOW WHAT;) ...NO WAIT don't think the wrong way--> I MEANT DRAMA YOU DIRTY MINDED PEOPLE....anyway the next morning had to work travel fair so no time to sleep...so i was like what the heck come home at 9.30pm then can sleep. Then we realised the next day MK was flying to japan...so sarah C, bern and i decided to be psycho and stay out the whole night to send her off at 5am the next morning. So we spent our first night together at changi airport viewing mall. HAHA that was my second night without sleep.

The next morning after sending mk off her parents kindly gave me a lift home...when i was opening my house door i started seeing things...like a few extra plants and things flying around. OKAYYY HALLUCINATIONS not a good sign. Luckily i managed to reach my bed safely where i crashed and burned and only woke up a day later.

I think my mum and bro got worried for a second when they realised i didnt wake up for the entire day...but then my sleeptalking immediately sent them back to their tv show without a care for my stomach that hadn't eaten anything for an entire day.

ugh i have to get out of this no-day-no-night mode where i act like time, days and dates have nothing to do with me. I live in my own time space continuum. So much for preparing for next year huh.

my apocalypse

2008-11-16T23:39:00.002+08:00

Yes, my days of living are officially over. The BSOD (blue screen of death) has finally hunted my vaio down. SHIT.DAMMIT.SCREW U.

Nothingness...so this is what its like to be stripped down of everything. (well nt everything im blogging wit my phone...) BUT STILL! Im not going to be able to survive w/o my laptop!

Technology has advanced me and in doing so crippled me...severely. Im having nightmares just thinking what my life would be w/o the internet. BIG SIGH. This is madness. Stupid bsod, no more surfing for music, movies, anime, manga scans, drama, crunchyroll, facebook apps, geo challenge! msn, google, wiki, dict.com, deviantart, PHOTOSHOPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAMN MICROSOFT. After so many years in the business is there no way to prevent this???????

That's it folks, dont be surprised if u find me sleeping peacefully on my bed, with no pulse. Dont be surprised if i start uprooting school coms and or start smuggling laptops into the country. Or of there's a sudden news report that vaio stores all over asia were suddenly raided with no traces of a break in or fingerprints....thats cuz the ghost of me took them all to heaven. Which upon reaching would eventually have to be returned to the stores if i actually want to step through the golden shiny gates.

Or maybe i'll just wake up to find that's its all just a bad bad horribly menacing, unreal and untrue dream. NOT. Sighhhh.

wooh a lil' excitement

2008-10-31T22:43:00.002+08:00

Yes, its true...if you think that my life is so sad till the point of blogging with my phone gives me a kick, then you may be right. Haha, yes ppl i have a new phone and im not bragging abt it, im just so pleased with my latest purchase!

Haha, it's the white nokia E71 which apparently has been pretty popular recently as the blacls have all been sold out when i went to purchase mine. Actually my old phone was giving me trouble, it would unceremoniously and very inconsiderably just shut down whenever i was in the middle of a call. So i had it replaced, i traded it in actually...yeah but like for 60 dollars only, but still thats 60 bucks off the original price of the E71...so yeah my ma was pretty pleased abt it too.

So anyway, here i am blogging from my lovely phone...(i can tell this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship) at my grandparents place, where it is pitch dark save for the kitchen light which is kept on in case my grandfather goes on another of his food rampages in the middle of the night and trips over something like the last time and had to be in hospital for a week.

Right, i managed to squeeze all that info into a single sentence, however fragmented it may be, yet a sentence nonetheless. It's the phone i tell you! It gives me strange powers.

Right...so...yeah im just trying to stall for time so i can continue typing on its miniscule qwerty keyboard. Haha, tomorrow i'll be going down with johnson and dunno who else to check out the prom site and meet the photographer who'll be helping us. Yes we school photographers are gonna be taking pics too just that its really not feasible for us to be using my portable selphy photo printer whose ink has to be refilled every what, 6 photos? And we have to take over 300 photos AND print them there and then that day. so since this guy offers printing services as well, why not make use of his skills.

I hope i can attain that level of professionalism someday too.

Okay, gonna go do more cool stuff on my phone! Haha just cant get enough. I just wanna extend a special thanks to rystine who intro-ed this phone to me...more like her phone caught my eye and after fiddling around with it was extremely pleased with it and thereafter decided to get one of my own! Haha i love all eletronics and anything tech-y? Haha yeah, i'll admit its my one weakness besides good sashimi and rum n raisin ice-cream.

Alright im really going now.

I love you more than you'll ever know

2008-10-30T23:13:00.004+08:00

You'll never know how precious people are to you till they're gone.

It's true, we all know that.

But humans never learn do they?

Somewhere between the constant struggle of a better future and coping with the pain of the past we remember who we are and who made us into the people we are. We remember the people who've been there, really honestly been there with us. And not like those that float in and out of your life. Im talking about family.

I'd like to take this opportunity to treasure my family. My family who have always always been there for me. Whether i was a child growing up, a teenager being angsty and throwing hissy fits, or when failed, as a student and as a human, thank you for always always supporting me. I'd like to thank my grandparents for raising me when things were the roughest for my mother. She'd just lost a husband and with the harsh reality of 2 kids to raise, i thank you for being there. The rest of my relatives also played a crucial role in my unbringing, despite a loss, my childhood was as enriched and memorial as any.

Thank you for making me feel loved, it's because i know my family loves me that my confidence grows. Also my mother for her sheer hard work and determination, goodness knows how many compos i have praised her in when i was younger. Even though i dont say it often, i love you ma. I know you'll probably never read this and i should just say it to you directly...but not yet, there'll come a time i will tell you, just not yet. What am i waiting for right? Heh, i dont know, but i can't right now.

I want to let my friends know too. You have impacted me the most. Friends from kindergarten till now. I wouldn't be the person that i am, the character that i am if i hadn't met you. Some have taught me love, some have taught me hurt - but that's part of life. Some have touched me deeply and made me a more reliable person. I can't say that i've met a significant person that changed my life COMPLETELY. maybe when im older and look back i'll know. But right now, i dont think there's anyone like that. Unless you count God as a person.

Anyway, i dont mean to be so soppy. But today i was at my grandmother's house, i shall affectionately call her by abuelita from here on as i always have since i could speak. Today i was observing her, she's getting weaker, she's past 80, and she was still fighting. Her hand was quavering as she raised it to her lips, but she would not put the glass down till she had drunk enough.

I felt really sad inside, at the same time i was so proud of abuelita, and im just so worried.

I know i can never repay all these people who have made me, built me, brought me down(in a good way to make me realise my mistakes) and re-built me. Whenever, wherever, for whatever i know you guys will always be there. I just hope when we all leave this earth, i can have you as my family again. The only way to "repay" them is to pass it on to others.

Lol, i apologise for this stupid long post, had a lot of emotions pent up, plus complicated feelings recently. I don't what to do or what im supposed to do, i just try my best. I'm really sorry if it's not good enough, i just want all my friends to be happy. As cheesy and simplistic as it sounds, it's true.

Night out

2008-10-27T13:48:00.002+08:00

Yesterday after the travel fair at Chan brothers i worked for, Sarah, Bernadette and me decided to stay out all night at the airport and surprise Mun Mit the next day when she left for Japan. Not for good, no. But for her 10day pre-internship thingy. Then in december she'll be there on her internship for about 3 months.

It was insane. I was already sleep deprived mind you, i hadn't slept the night before and was going to thon? the next night too. So by the time it was 4am this morning, i hadn't slept for about 40 hours. And i wasn't sleepy still. Anyway we hung out at the viewing gallery of T1 for a bit. Played cards, talked, farted, chilled, watched planes take off and wish we were in them. Time passed and we decided to go for an early breakfast, so at 2.30am we went to spinelli, mr bean there for sushi and coffee and a biscoti(me), potato salad(sarah) and sushi and earl grey tea(bernadette). Then since there was still time and the sky train wasn't working we took this shuttle bus to all the terminals.

I think this was the first time i was actually scared for my life. The driver was driving with his eyes closed! I swear, and he would open it occasionally, but he obviously wasn't awake! BUT! He drove straight and wasn't like swerving from side to side.

Before that we accidentally imposed on a couple making out in the bus, since it was dark i couldnt see anything and the bus was leaving, i practicall jumped/ran/scrambled up the bus. I must have scared the heck out of them.

Anyway then we went to T2 and played with the trolleys. I pushed Sarah and Bernadette around but Bernadette refused to admit she was having fun:) Haha, anyway it was quite empty also, T2. T3 was the most bustling.

When we finally met mk her jaw dropped. Haha, just what we wanted. Had tea with her parents and chatted for a bit till it was time for her to go in. Hugged and said our goodbyes. Departures are always emotional i don't know why, but then i rembered she would be back in 10 days and immediately the tears evaporated.

Her parents gave bern and me a lift, sarah's mom came to pick her up. When i finally crashed and burned in my bed, on the way to my house gate i started hallucinating, suddenly like shadows became figures. I knew i NEEDED SLEEP NOW. Lol, slept from 5.30 till 1pm, and now im going out to celebrate Deepavali with Magenta and Christine and maybe viviena if she can make it. But IM LATE! clearing my memory card la....:P

O k, STAY HAPPY FOLKS. And have a great day, I KNOW I WILL ;)

Aimless week

2008-10-22T21:38:00.002+08:00

For the past few days I've been so so productive. NOT!

Who am i trying to kid, lol...all ive been doing is lazing around and doing NOTHING productive.

Tried to photograph a sunrise. It was too cloudy. Ended up taking scene shots of bedok reservoir instead.

Tried reading a book. Can't seem to pick it up and finish it.

Went to the library to research on my future career. It just doesn't seem like something i would be doing.

NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT.

Is there nothing else to me? To my life? Is that all i am?

Not really in the mood to write or think right now. What's the word for what im feeling now?

RESTLESS that's it.

ADVENTURE wherefore art thou my adventure?

David - Nellie Mckay

2008-10-19T22:59:00.001+08:00

Look at you you're young
Havin' so much fun
Gonna be a star
Blah blah blah
And click there goes the phone
I don't wanna know
What myHoroscope's predicting

Just pour me a drink
Cuz I need a kick
I don't wanna think
I just wanna sip

[chorus]
David don't you hear me at all
David won't you give me a call
Waitin' here not makin' a sound
David come around

Mister bushie says
I'm your president
I have lots to say
Hey hey hey
And click goes the remote
There you have my vote
Catchin' the next boat out of here

Just pour me a drink
Cuz I need a lie
I don't wanna think
I just wanna die

[chorus]
David don't you hear me at all
David don't you hear through the wall
Waitin' here not makin' a sound
David come around

[bridge]
Chaos pervades the world outside
Days offer spades of hurled outcries
Gone is the fair and five and dime
But he is there
He's so fine

Listen to her play
Has somethin' to say
Even has a rap
Clap clap clap
But click there goes the lid
Sorry 'bout the fib
I ain't got a grip on nothin'

Just pour me a drink
Right outta the can
I don't wanna think
I just want my man

[chorus]
David don't you hear me at all
David dear I'm just down the hall
Waitin' here not makin' a sound
David come around

In need of an adventure AND CASH

2008-10-19T04:28:00.005+08:00

My brain is dying. I can feel it, suddenly after an intense period of studying, my mind is just a blank when it comes to anything other than history, econs, lit, gp or maths. Well EXCEPT maths since it has been that way since...well since forever.

Nothing much i can do at home but watch dramas, while im at it i might as well recommend a few really good ones. "Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-si-do" is a really good one about two guys in a band and one girl, one guy is her past and the other her present and potential future. The name of their band is called do-re-mi-fa-so-la-si-do and YES its SI not TI cuz koreans pronounce it that way. You can watch it on crunchyroll.com tho i dont know how long it's gonna be there since they start copyrighting and banning quite fast. Mmm anyway the actors are SUPER GOOD LOOKING I SWEAR. Not your typical good looking guy mind you, they are EXCEPTIONALLY good looking. The actress FOR ONCE is damn pretty too, as pretty as the guys are good looking. Maybe it's the film or cinematography or whatever, but i loved it.

Another movie worth waiting the extremely short loading time (no more than 5 min, unless you click on HD version which will take less than 7min---i calculated) is my tutor my friend 2. A cute romantic comedy about a jap exchange student who comes to korea looking for her first love, a suave korean guy she met in japan, but as usual falls in love with someone unusual or someone she doesn't expect to fall in love with. He reluctantly becomes her korean tutor and teaches her a string of dirty words for class presentation and comes back to kill him after school. They are not eye catching at first for me, the actor or the actress, but after awhile their looks grow on you and they start to look handsome and pretty.

Watched quite a few korean movies today, 100 days with mr. arrogant, madelaine, marrying high school girl and my mighty princess.

On friday magenta and me were the photographers on duty for the jc2 graduation day and the leadership seminar. The next day my shoulders and wrists hurt like crazy. Looks like i need to get a battery grip soon or i might just sprain my wrist while doing many portrait shots at once, plus the speedlite which makes it become really heavy after holding it for so long. Sigh, i need $$KACHING $$ baby. PLUS i want to get AT LEAST ONE new lens before i go to japan. sigh. I also really NEED a speedlite of my own, i can't always be borrowing the school's flash. ARGH.

SOMEONE GIVE ME MONEY!!!

Everything's alright for now

2008-10-14T10:11:00.002+08:00

For me i guess it's alright, i did okay and my mother's pleased. But it's the others im worried about now. I don't know, i just hope that they will be alright when the time comes.

Anyway the old blog skins said 'empty', a bit too morbid for me so i changed it to my theme: 'dream'. Some of the words dont fit BUT OWEL WHATEVER. Tomorrow im going for breakfast then ice-skating with calsoh and shar, can't wait for that.

Life has been pretty stable of late, i mean in terms of friends, family & studies. Mmm but you know me, after awhile....i get bored. And i get bored easily i CRAVE excitement. Probably will find it soon too, i tend to think of the zaniest things when im incredibly bored so those who know i'll call you to go out, WATCH OUT.

Haha, mmm actually im rather pleased with my results, even though i wished i did better, im NOT COMPLAINING because of my other friends who are in between now and uncertain. Sigh i hope that whatever decision they make it's for the better and that they don't give up easily.

Sometimes going the unexpected way brings unexpected experiences and find you would actually have missed out some pretty neat stuff if you hadn't come this way.

Anyway, even though most of the days i dont have to go back to school, but like once a week i have the japan trip meetings to attend. Ms Yeo calls us J-kids, it's so funny cuz it sounds like one of those young bands with Johnny's Entertainment.

An Insomniac's Day

2008-10-13T04:12:00.004+08:00

It's about 4.12am and i still can't get to sleep. Maybe im too scared, perhaps im too excited. Im getting my promo results in a matter of hours you see, funny i dont remember being this restless for my O level's. But it's not like im nervous till the point that i start palpitating. I just can't wait for time to pass.

Huh, for once and perhaps the only instance, where man waits for no time and tide, instead of them waiting for us.

Maybe it's because im TOO tired. Is that even possible? It's a posibility;) And why am i tired, cuz i did some good ole manual labour, for my aunt of course. She's the only one who would ever us work, HARD. {with the exception of my PE teachers.}

Anyway, she was getting a fish pond from her friend. YES POND, CONCRETE SLABS AND ALL. Complete with a STONE/CONCRETE/CEMENT-WHATEVER-IT-WAS-FREAKING-HEAVY-SHIT-FISH FILTER and the huge tank that we managed to squeeze into the boot of my uncle's TOYOTA SUV (thank goodness the 7-seaters' last 2 back seats could be put down) otherwise it would have been secured at the top of the car. What a sight that would have been, imagine a huge, black, square fish tank atop a car. We'd have looked like some sort of twisted travelling circus gone wrong. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, it was grimy, icky, dripping green stuff and mossy.

Hey, dont get me wrong, im not complaining, we were getting all this stuff free, PLUS THE HUNDRED OVER GUPPIES THAT TOOK US FOREVER TO CATCH by the way.

And my aunt's friend had to live at the bottom of this HILL. There were stairs though, and i can't tell if that made our journey easier or harder, but somehow me and my wuss of a brother made it through alive, just a tad fishy-er and stinkier than when we first arrived.

Ok it's about 4.30am and STILL im not feeling the sandman's spells. owrgh ~sound of frustration. Maybe i'll go watch a movie. Recently ive been watching movies with forest whitaker in it. I think he's my favourite actor at the moment. And it's not just something about his funny eye that captures my attention. His acting, it's real, it's precise, it just comes across as very genuine and just sucks you into this whirlpool, and you don't realise what's happened until its over and you want to go again. Like a ride. FOREST WHITAKER. A real good actor with real good acting that i haven't come across in a while. Sure there may be others, Tom Hanks, George Clooney maybe even the occasional matthew mcConaughey, BUT a Forest Whitaker, now there's a rare gem you dont see everyday.

At least that's what i feel. I mean his performances are just so...entralling, yet heartwarming.

Then again, maybe it IS the eye. Ok ive decided on Last King of Scotland. Hope later turns out a happy ending/beginning for me yeah:)

August Rush

2008-10-03T15:22:00.001+08:00

My favourite scene:) His guitar slaps...

The storm clouds are clearing

2008-09-26T15:28:00.003+08:00

This morning, one heck of a thunderstorm occurred. It was pouring, and HARD. In fact the rain was so heavy and the wind was so stong...it was just PELTING and i could hear the drops hitting my window. It was super dark even at 6.45 when the sun was supposed to be rising and everything was just so gloomy. I pity the people that had to go to school today...at least you could be late and not be marked for it :)

Anyway, the bulk of my exams are over...and i must admit it wasn't as horrible as i thought it would be...with the exception of maths that is :) I feel that i did a good job on the papers...i mean i felt so unprepared on monday, but i guess we'll always feel that way, no matter how much you study. Now it's up to the teachers, i guess how they feel about it might just not be the same as me. I HOPE i didnt make any stupid mistakes like writing out of point or missing out important factors. I know maths is a gone case, but the others... I REALLY HOPE NOT:)

Monday's our last paper, Southeast Asia history. Out of a possible 3 essay questions we choose 2 and complete it within 1h30min...that's 45min for each. It seems like a lot of time but actually we have to start running with our pen from the beginning. I tell you during this time my handwriting usually ballons to twice its usual size. I mean we have to be rushing to get our points down, there is literally no time to even think about what you're writing. It's just all gotta be there in your head.

The planning of the essay should not take more than 5 mins or else you're basically screwed for the essays cuz you dont have enough time to finish both essays which typically require 6 SUBSTANTIAL paragraphs each.

Ok im going to study hard for SEA now. I took a break yesterday after othello paper to just like, chill and GET MY SLEEP BACK. Now im pumped and i vow to KILL THE SEA PAPER. Haha, before it kills me.

ALL THE BEST to all my classmates and friends taking the SEA paper, and also to my j2 friends pressing on for the A LEVELS...we'll make it yo.

The eleventh hour

2008-09-21T23:37:00.005+08:00

What's going to happen later, I HAVE NO CLUE.

But can you believe im still up blogging, well no point being nervous right? I mean, it's not going to help, that's what i feel. I just need to go in, analyse the questions right and remember my point. ALSO i need to make a convincing stand. YES, that's it.

LOL, im going mad, im having conversations with myself, inside my own head, did i mention with myself? Yeah, im talking to myself, not out loud luckily tho right.

Sigh, just a few more days and it'll all be over. I know. It's TOO DAMN BAD it had to be on the same week as the F1 NIGHT RACE. Grrr.

Why do i feel awfully at peace? Am i over-confident? No i know i havent got all the stuff into my head, yet. Anyway, im going to do more last minute cramming. I tried that before and it didnt work, so it wont work now right? Except that before i didnt know ANYTHING, now i do know all the concepts, but i just haven't memorised the heavier stuff...okok enough bullshit, im going to do it NOW.

Oh yeah i changed my blogskin...why? CUZ I FELT LIKE IT, HEH.

My best friend for the next week or so...PILOT G2.

Sunsets and frustration

2008-09-15T23:27:00.003+08:00

ARGH.

Two totally unrelated things im gonna feature today.

1) My frustration with myself...I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO, i cant do it...

2) Sunsets are PRETTY.

Ok the photos i show you might not do the real thing any justice..but here's what i could get.

my exams are in like exactly 6 days. I honestly dont know how im gonna do, rather than worry incessantly i should probably be studying.

Turandot - Giacomo Puccini

2008-09-02T01:35:00.003+08:00

I went to watch an opera at the Esplanade today, and WOAH IT WAS GOOD.

It's was Puccini's last and unfinished work of Turandot(Turan.dokht). We had GOOD SEATS. We were right in front, the orchestra was just in front below us, we were the closest to the conductor, we could see his CUFFLINKS, which were very nice by the way.

We were so close we could see the silver hairs on his head, i could see the wrinkles on his hands and face. He had a kind face, that popped up from the orchestra's cove everytime an act was about to begin to welcome the audience. IT WAS THE COOLEST EXPERIENCE EVER! I hope the next time i go for a performance im this close. Sitting right on top can be a little boring cuz you can't really see the facial expressions of the performers. Especially for operas, once you get bored, it isn't hard to fall asleep. No doubt the beautiful costumes, but again, you're not close enough to grasp the details of the outfits and fall prey to sleep again.

Sitting that close to the stage, the people, first row really is the best. The set was ok only, minimum even but the costumes were more lavish, more intricate than ive ever seen in any performance, of course i havent been to many, and for those that i have been to, ive never been close enough to notice costume detail and facial expression. I loved the princesses' head dress the best, the head dress when she was wearing her white outfit.

Turandot is about a cold princess that vows never to be owned by any man, and so any man that tries to woo her has to answer 3 riddles, if they cannot be answered correctly, they get beheaded. And thus she is seen as a cruel, cold-hearted princess...until our lead protagonist comes along and melts her cold, cruel heart. You can read more about Puccini and his work HERE.

We enjoyed it thoroughly mann. Later went to Harry's for late dinner and a drink. Like Julianna told me Harry's does have good food, we had a chicken tandoori pizza, of course Timbre's thin crust pizza is still the best:) Hmmm we'll probably have to come earlier next time to order dinner. And that was it, the beginning of my study week...it started out well if you ask me.

Photos...too tired to edit, sorry shar:D

Glad you enjoyed yourself.

HAHA who am i kidding. Gotta get a grip and start mugging, need to do well and pass promos MAN. okok going to sleep now, damn tired. Tomorrow got school and maths test ARGHHH.

Robbed of tomorrow

2008-08-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

I just robbed a bug/beetle of tomorrow.
Its future, whatever it may have been, has been taken away.
Unfair? Maybe, but it happens.

Sorry bug, but to keep MY PRESENT in its comfortable state, MY FUTURE cannot include you.

Flying around my room light, irritating me with the buzzing sound of your wings, PLUS hitting all the furniture in my room, PLUS LANDING ON MY CAMERA CASE. Unforgivable.

Sorry but you died for a good cause.
For my convenience, yes cruel i know, but life is rarely bubbles and roses all the way through.

Now if you had friends to distract me while you flew away it would have been a different matter. That's what you get you SOLO KIA, that's the difference between your species and BEES. They're way smarter than you. They work together. Not that im unhappy about you being a solo kia, if not i would not have been able to exterminate you.

Ok, that was a just an advertisement. The thing is actually a misunderstanding occurred. And it's not totally cleared up now, but soon it'll be, i hope.

I just dont want to regret, imagine our lives could be gone just like the bug, who unknowningly got ruthlessly crushed by me. Not a sign or a warning could tell him he was going to die today when he woke up this morning. And it's like, nothing will matter once that person is gone. Really dont take anything for granted, live your fullest today. Tomorrow is not certain, everyday that comes is truly a gift. Sounds like im trying to convince myself...

Yeah that's all i wanted to say i guess...and also, my friends are very important to me. Yeah that's it.

41 days to promos

2008-08-11T18:37:00.003+08:00

Im getting this feeling of deja vu. Not a good feeling, all the horrible promo phobia is coming back. Argh, why does time pass so fast, why do i have to face this again?

But then again, this is just a step towards becoming a journalist/photographer. I cannot lose focus of my main goal...getting into uni is not my ultimate goal, i must not forget what im studying for. I mean short term goals are great for getting you through, but i must not lose sight of the long terms to pull me all the way to where i wanna be. Even though promos is nothing compared to A levels, nothing compared to uni, its still an important step that i need to get closer to my dream.

Lately time has been passing by fast, because i have not been utilising it well, in fact at all. Time slips away and it'll not help to sit and regret, last year ive already committed the unforgivable lol, this time im gonna conquer it, i'll NOT let the exams screw me again. 41 days. I can certainly achieve alot if i put in more effort and not forget my aims. I know its gonna be tough, but everyone's going through it too.

Things to look forward to: NIKE human race 31/8
Japan Trip Dec

I AM going to do well for my exams, i will, i must.

SingFest - Saturday

2008-08-06T20:42:00.005+08:00

Melee.

My battery died after awhile so i only got pictures of melee. I saw The Lost Prophets, Simple Plan and Travis. It was cool, at first i didn't think of it as anything, but then i realised LIVE versions beat anything, plus you get to know the bands a bit more personally, their personalities come out when you actually see them. Yeah Travis was the last band but we left a little earlier to avoid the crowd. It was at Fort Canning Park, wahlao had to climb so high up, but it was worth it.

The Singapore Air force was practicing for national day...

Yes this man was half naked.

Models showing off LEVIS new concept jeans. No zips, just buttons at your crotch area where a zip should be. HOT STUFF MAN.

Jazzing july...

2008-07-28T04:24:00.003+08:00

My week's gonna be jazzed up...literally.

I've just loaded my mp3 with all the michael buble and diana krall i could find, not to mention some late night jazz listening and something MOS came up with, some kind of compilation. I think i may have found a new favourite genre. Even though i proclaim to enjoy all genres of music, i have never really studied jazz, i mean like seriously listened to it.

I feel as though it can see right through me, its kinda scary, especially when i first heard Quincy jones' - evening in paris...a chill went through my whole body, man the song was speaking to me! His notes were piercing, but i loved it, cuz unlike the normal genre of music i listen to, which is mainstream, you never know what the next note is gonna be. In mainstream music you can almost always predict what the melody is gonna be like, but for jazz, its like...every note is a surprise.

Maybe that's why i find it rather interesting now:)

I feel happier i cleared things up with her...well sort of, i mean i know it's totally my fault and i don't blame her...maybe she's right, im just not making an effort, like if i really wanted to. GAh, don't dwell...it'll just...

Anyway:) On a brighter note, here are some of diana krall's songs i really like, or rather i could find.

AJA FIGHTING! for the week ahead. 8 weeks to promos...i can't afford to burn the rest of my 8 weekends.

week...end! not quite.

2008-07-24T19:08:00.003+08:00

Today! haha had a history test i didn't quite manage to finish, rented some vcds i shouldn't have, am gonna watch it when i have TWO econs tests tomorrow and not quite sure how i'll do.

TODAY! i bought a damn cute microphone. i think i have strange impulses...

YESTERDAY I RAN FREAKING 11KM. i didn't run all the way obviously, i walked and jogged along the way. but i managed to complete my original 10km. So that was gratifying.

Can't wait for the end of the week, tomorrow i am going out with mk for dinner, so im looking forward to that:)

Nothing much going on really.

Creep - RAdiohead

2008-07-19T09:18:00.002+08:00

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fuckin special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
You're so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

She's running out again,
She's running out
She's run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

Feelin' not so cheery

2008-07-17T19:04:00.002+08:00

Lol, yesterday i said i felt cheery, today not so.

BUT I HAD A TON OF FUN! As usual, with Faiz around it's almost always funny, when he suddenly picks fights with us. We went to get some bubble tea after listening comprehension and julie took us to BOTAK JONES. The food was DAMN GOOD. But DAMN ALOT. It was US sized so, yeah...i didn't manage to finish, i think cuz plus the bubble tea.

I had a botak burger, it comes with a patty, coleslaw and fries. THE CHEESE FRIES ARE DELICIOUS! Haha advertising for them. We went to the one at serangoon.

Then we walked back...

Yesterday i was watching a jap drama called long love letter. It was about a school and some students inside that managed to jump and cross spacetime continuum into the future where the earth had become a vast desert. To the people in the present just a huge hole where the school had been was present, like a giant meteorite had landed and made a hole there.

It sounds cheesy but it was a scary film for me as they each had personal fears to face, plus the reality of never seeing their families, loved ones, boyfriends or girlfriends again.

At the same time besides dealing with the emotional parts, they had limited resources, limited water, food...then human nature started to turn ugly and show their selfish sides.

The students and some teachers began taking food for themselves, a teacher even tried to kill the students finally going mad after saying that everyone was going to die anyway. The teachers who were supposed to protect the students...of course the main character, their homeroom teacher and a florist, who used to be a teacher there, but due to her a situation with her previous student she had to leave, the both of them protected the students faithfully.

They all faced death and had the experience of holding on and supporting one another. A scary film for me, i kept imagining myself in that situation, all i could think about was crying if it was me. It was insane man, imagine yourself thrust a few decades or even centuaries into the future, with NOTHING FAMILIAR around you, your family gone, your loved ones gone, you're left with schoolmates you don't really know you can trust. Sigh, what the hell la, i would have just killed myself to spare myself the misery.

CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW! Whoo might be going out, we'll see:D

Feelin' cheery

2008-07-16T11:21:00.001+08:00

I don't know why but these past few days have been fun and happy for me. Despite the heavy workload this week, AND BEING BUMPED INTO BY SOOO MANY PEOPLE WHO DON'T BOTHER TO APOLOGISE...

Yeah, despite all that im in a pretty good mood:)

I'm sick today, might go to the doc for some medicine for my flu, but aiyah, so expensive, waste money, why did i get sick.

A few people in our class are rather sick, i think this has to be the strongest strain of flu bug ive ever experienced. Yeah that's about it.

Time to look ahead and focus

2008-07-10T17:39:00.004+08:00

I didn't do well for mid years. I failed econs, maths and even one history essay. Lit i failed both. If not for CA weekly tests & assignments i would not have passed overall.

Im actually quite disappointed in myself, i expected to do better. I need to find out what went wrong and not do it again. Especially history, it was a case of misinterpretation, misunderstanding, lol but not mistrust and it was not mutual, just on my part in regard to the question. That was really wasted, i need to consult ms ong soon.

I am really thankful for CA but just disappointed in my mid years itself, i guess i need to work even harder.

thank God for blue skies though :)

Tomorrow's gonna be a beautiful day.

Lady of Justice (Justicia)

2008-07-03T21:49:00.005+08:00

From WIKI

This pic is from the movie HERO.

Lady Justice (Iustitia, the Roman Goddess of Justice and sometimes, simply "Justice") is an allegorical personification of the moral force that underlies the legal system. Since the Renaissance, Justitia has frequently been depicted as a bare-breasted woman carrying a sword and scales, and sometimes wearing a blindfold. Her modern iconography, which frequently adorns courthouses and courtrooms, conflates the attributes of several goddesses who embodied Right Rule for Greeks and Romans, blending Roman blindfolded Fortuna with Hellenistic Greek Tyche.

Justitia's attributes parallel those of the Hellenic deity Themis, the embodiment of divine order, law and custom, in her aspect as the personification of the divine rightness of law. However, the mythological connection is not a direct one. Themis' daughter Dike was imagined carrying scales: "If some god had been holding level the balance of Dike" is an image in a surviving fragment of Bacchylides's poetry.

Justitia is most often depicted with a set of weighing scales typically suspended from her left hand, upon which she measures the strengths of a case's support and opposition. She is also often seen carrying a double-edged sword in her right hand, symbolizing the power of Reason and Justice, which may be wielded either for or against any party.

As stated above, Lady Justice is often depicted wearing a blindfold. This is done in order to indicate that justice is (or should be) meted out objectively, without fear or favor, regardless of the identity, power, or weakness: blind justice and blind impartiality.

The earliest Roman coins depicted Justitia with the sword on one hand and the scale on the other, but with her eyes uncovered.[1] Justitia was only commonly represented as "blind" since about the end of the fifteenth century. The first known representation of blind Justice is Hans Gieng's 1543 statue on the Gerechtigkeitsbrunnen (Fountain of Justice) in Berne.

I just watched HERO the japanese prosecuter played by takuya kimura. I watched the episodes, and the tv specials too before watching the movie. It was good. But in the movie Lady Justice was what struck me.

She wears a blindfold to show her "blind" justice and impartiality. She's not really blind of course, just to show that she'll only be impartial and nothing else will get in the way. But then if she can't see how will she judge? Well, not everything can be seen by the eye, especially not things that are below the surface.

The weighing scales she holds in her left hand weigh the cases evidence against each other. I thought that was really cool. And in her right hand she holds the sword that will slay the ones that lose, the guilty.

In my mind im thinking, that's the way it should be, the way the romans thought then should be that those who guilty should be brought to justice, and the victims, the dead, the ones who have been acted against for no reason or not withstanding reasons can find peace within themselves.

But sadly things like corruption and politics have seeped deep into the very heart of JUSTICE. Does it still signify the impartiality of punishment upon those that are truly guilty, or can murderers lie in court knowing they have the backing of an official.

It's really unfair if you think about the ones that have lost family, friends, lost their lives to crimes that have not been paid for.

And yet we are asked to forgive.

The bible says God will have His Justice. And i believe He will. At the end of the day, He will come and be the ultimate judge. Crimes big or small, life threatening or otherwise will be judged upon, and finally JUSTICE can be attained for all.

HERO is a good show, you might wanna watch it sometime, although the plot becomes a little predictable after awhile, but you can understand why they are stressing certain things, like for the truth to be found before any verdict is made.

Here are some screenshots i got from the movie.

Here's a side view with the sword partially in sight.

That's about all for now.

CONCLUSION: COMPUTER+INTERNET= PURE EVIL

2008-06-25T00:10:00.003+08:00

I have recently concluded that the internet is pure evil. SERIOUSLY once you turn it on there no turning back, it's like taking a ride on a ferris wheel and there's NO getting down till it's over. Even if you stop the ride, you're already at the top, you have to go the whole way around in order to come back. The ride is over when i need to bathe.

Honestly these past few weeks i have not left my computer, I SWEAR except to bathe. I even eat in front of my laptop. I sleep in front of it too. The first thing i see when i open my eyes in the morning is, yes you guessed it, MY LAPTOP. PURE EVIL.

Bad bad bad. I started exams yesterday, monday to be precise cuz by the time i post this it should be past 12am. Anyway, i felt GP was alright, tho you can never really tell for GP. Econs was ARGH! Agonizing cuz i knew how to do it but i didn't manage to finish on time and i left out the really important parts. DARN MAN. How to fulfil my criteria of straight Dees.

Today i had maths, another killer. Totally got screwed over by MATHS. And tomorrow is history, my last hope for a D, maybe literature but lit to me is another silent killer, i don't know how i'll do. sigh.

Anyway today i studied with viviena, magenta, julianna and christine. It was good, and we crapped equally hard. That's what i like about us, we study hard and play equally hard. I think i found a good balance.

Anyway im going to MUG MUG MUG now. See ya soon!!

Oh ya yesterday on the way home and on the way to school today I GOT AMBUSHED BY MJC students. Like the WHOLE freaking bus was filled with BLUE and me, the lone orangey-beigey SRJCian on the bus. Haha like really swarmed man. Now i know how the other people, working adults or sec school students feel on the 81 in the morning, WE TOTALLY DOMINATE the bus man.

okok enough wasting time, history..not forgetting lit LAR. tomorrow there's LIT also.

Ok im GONE.

The only thing constant is CHANGE

2008-06-17T19:05:00.003+08:00

Change. Changes. Changing. Changed.

Right, life is good at the moment, generally speaking. I've got nothing to complain about. I'm pretty contented with life at the moment. Not that i have nothing i want to achieve. Of course my exams coming up are a major challenge for me right now, seeing as the holiday mood has seeped deep into my head and im sorta facing withdrawal symptoms if i do not turn on my computer everyday. WHICH IS BAD.

Technology has in a way, instead of furthering us, has crippled us, as humans. HAHA just having a stupid thought, but it has made us completely reliable on machines and not any more on human resource ALONE.

It makes me wonder how they hell did people live in the past? No computers to do ANYTHING. No cars, no gas, no electricity, no NOTHING.

OH! i recently found out about a poet. Gwendolyn Brooks is her name, and she is an African-American poet who wrote poems for blacks, about blacks, their everyday plights and she does it ever so elegantly.

I like this one.

WE REAL COOL

The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

Goodbye...till we meet again.

2008-06-09T22:10:00.003+08:00

Relatives have gone back, sigh im really gonna miss them, my grandparents' house is gonna be quiet again...except for the dog i guess.

Anyway, in my life right now its studies studies and more studies. I would really like to leave the country soon...even if it was just for a short time. I want to go overseas to study...i think i might die if i have to do uni in singapore also. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the unis here. Its just a stiffling place, i feel anyway. But then again having said that, i might just end up getting uni done here as well...i really hope not la.

This week has been a breeze, like a real WINDY breeze. Life seems more easy and slow paced. WHY? NO SCHOOL MAH. I tell you when school starts life's gonna get hectic again. I really am loving the hols now, no pe, no morning assembly, no morning 'squeezing up the bus' ---> basically there's no more morning bustle when i go to school....BECAUSE I DONT WAKE UP EARLY ANYMORE!! That's the best part of the holidays, i reckon. Because you dont have homework you can sleep earlier, and because you have no school you can wake up later. SLEEP is important, i think i better use the hols to catch up on my sleep, im sure when school starts im gonna lack sleep.

But then again that's what you get when you sign up for a jc. It's a whole package man. JC, A levels, no sleep, study like siao, no going out, no serious partying, etc etc...basically = not much of a life. But then these phases are essential. We need to experience sacrifice, then we'll make the most of things later on.

Ok going off to do some photo editing and watching movies and what not (besides studying!! :P)

So move a little closer.

2008-06-08T11:00:00.003+08:00

Had a fight with mother just now. Not that we fight all the time...lately, i don't know i just very irritated when she harps on about my math. She knows that it's my weakest subject and she keeps saying things, "yeah, but are you passing maths? you already failed last year, wasted one year" blah blah blah. Can't you see that im already trying my best?

And when i show her my a's and b's for the other subjects...not a word of praise, of encouragement. "good job." Not even that. But she has to pick on my worst subject. I really did try my very best. I guess i'll just have to do even better in mid-years to shut her up.

And then when we slip just a little...like i failed one math test...she starts using photography against me. Saying i spent too much time on it, like i spent too much time on volleyball last year. Is it really so hard to encouragement someone...just a word, just one word, it probably won't cost you much, but to the person it means assurance, encouragement, it could mean a lot to them. Probably more than you'll ever imagine.

Sigh, whatever, i know you're my mother and i do respect you. I do understand that your work is tough and stressful, maybe this is just your way of de-stressing. But sometimes we need your encouragement too. And not really things like bribery or incentives...but a sincere word of encouragement.

Anyway, yesterday i went to city harvest church for a service. And it was different. I felt it was a little commercialised...ok more than a little. But you know, despite the big stage, the big screens, the pompous ushers that didn't allow me to save seats for my cousin and his friend, and the flashing lights, i actually felt God's presence there. And i realised, if city harvest was not going in the way of God, he would have destroyed them long ago. I mean, i know God is powerful and he can do anything. So if He felt it should be, then city harvest would not exist. But since they're still going on, they must be doing something right. I mean i used to really have a bad opinion of city harvest because of their emphasis on wealth and like giving to God and He definitely will reward you tenfold.

But then, this time i didnt take it literally, like i understood that when you give, it doesn't have to be in monetary terms. You could give your service, your emotions, your time. I guess there are many ways to give to God and he'll reward you accordingly. And i realised that being rich doesn't necessarily mean rich $$ wise. But rich in love, perhaps. Rich family wise..like having a more loving, bonded family than you had before. Or rich in terms of knowledge, God could make you really wise if you wanted. He could also make you rich in terms of $$ if you really needed it. I believe He'll reward you as He sees fit, so don't worry, just give freely:)

My photo today is one of two really COOL PHOTOGRAPHERS. They are the real pros, hired to take pictures at the graduation. I caught them in the same stance, doing the same thing, and WOAH, they really looked so cool, i wished i was them.

Day out with cuz.

2008-06-04T23:57:00.005+08:00

I went out with my cousin Josh today. He's going back to England next week, after graduation from Rhema bible college. We went to have our favourite food SASHIMI, at shokudo, raffles city.( how could i have forgotten to take a pic...)

Anyway then i took some photos of him and his favourite places, and places he wants to be reminded of.

After sooooo many pics i managed to get one of himself that he really liked.

And my pic of the day is.....

I like this one of him in the uniform. I feel he's kinda out of place, he looks like a soldier to me and not a valet, or someone who stands ready and opens doors for people coming out of taxis.

Article One

2008-06-04T00:07:00.004+08:00

I found a new band last night...well they might not be new but i have never heard of them till now...found them randomly on http://www.haoting.com/

They're a christian band and i feel their music is refreshing and they have a good dosage of uplifting melodies. I like that their sound is grounded at the same time a little suspended. Don't really know what im saying but yeah I LIKE THEIR MUSIC!

My favourite song is 'Angels'. 'Taken by the storm' 'If the world gives up' and othe others are all nice too:)

PIC of the day

2008-06-02T03:02:00.004+08:00

"And the picture of the day is.........." {drumrollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll}

A Chrysanthemum that fell on my aunt's car. So she took it home and put it in a plate of water. When i saw it i just knew i had to take this shot :)

Here are some portrait shots that i like...

Magenta.

Julianna.

& Sharanya:)

Pix long overdue - Water Fools &others

2008-06-02T00:22:00.009+08:00

This was the second time i watched water fools. I didn't manage to come early enough so i wasn't right in front. So some of the pix might have a person's arm or head in it. I mixed the first and second day up together.

Watched the sun set(sort of) while waiting.

Man selling light sticks.

People enjoying the view.

I can't believe they managed to carve such intricate patterns! On a watermelon no less.

Timbre...The first pub that i was brought to by Julianna.

Towering Banks.

Soulful busker...i DID give him money ok...

I love this picture of lisa caught in a moment.

Relaxing in FULLERTON HOTEL'S big soft, cosy armchairs.

"This feels too goood, im not going home." "Yeah, me neither."

"Yep, it's decided, we're staying!!"

Look how big and grand fullerton is...compared to julianna....heh.

NEW BLOG.

2008-05-31T14:48:00.006+08:00

Haha nope not really a new blog, but a new PHOTO BLOG. It was He xun's idea actually...hmm how come i never thought of it. Anyway! Im glad he told me, so now i wont have to wait for blogger's stupid slow upload system:) but the only limitation is that i can upload 20pics per post. Sigh.

Here's the url: http://www.photoblog.com/jarzelo

I put it on my link list too, right at the bottom.

So my photos will now all be there. I might still upload some that i really like to blogger, or those that are needed in my post to tell you what happened and stuff. Other than that it will be there.

Yesterday was CHARMAINE'S birthday, and it was GREAT. Matt put in a lot of effort in coordinating everything AND getting her presents without her suspecting anything. SHARANYA and He xun came also, so it was the five of us. A small group, but we had a lot to talk about heh;)

First we had dinner at makan sutra, THE FOOD WAS GOOD.

Here's all of them except of course for me...i was taking the shot.

Then we went to VIA BAR at the esplanade to have a drink. We brought two minors in too. Heh. Char had a cosmopolitan, i had a martini, matt a carlsberg and he xun tried a singapore sling! Haha, then matt told us the BIRTHDAY STORY. Which took a whopping 2 hours.

I really liked the interior, it was quiet, cosy and the colours and concept was pretty as well. I might probably wanna go back there soon.

its the weekend again

2008-05-30T08:21:00.004+08:00

Shit, ive not been studying very hard this week. Actually ive been slacking off pretty often...i think im in the holiday mood. THAT'S VERY BAD.

But im going draw up a study plan for the next few weeks, and start MUGGING. Hmm yesterday's history test was not too bad, but i didn't manage to finish it LAR. Sigh, and econs quiz last night was a bit nonsense, they didn't tell me how much i got. One of my answers was blank when i reviewed them! So i don't know if i got it right or not. 10 questions, 10 marks, 30 minutes.

Yeah anyway i should really be going, im supposed to be at kovan like NOW. And im still at home typing my post. oh well TYPICAL of me to dilly dally. okokokok going going NOWW....

BYEEEEEEEEEE....HEEEEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOO WEEKEND!

My weekend

2008-05-26T04:55:00.005+08:00

Fri: Singapore arts festival opening - Water Fools
Saturday: Botanical Gardens(photog outing) & Water Fools (again)

On friday i went for water fools, a 50min play on water. By french company ilotopie, it was spectacular. I went with lisa, i met jesley & hexun, later julianna came for a bit after french class.

Saturday morning i went for photog outing, after that went with magenta to meet julianna for lunch and study...we had lunch, but didn't really study, heh. After that i went for water fools again because friday i went late and didn't get a good spot. As you will see from my pics, i got blocked by a lot of ppl and they're in my pictures. So this time i made sure i claimed my spot and GUARDED it till the show started. It was AGAIN spectacular...i really enjoyed it. After that i went around taking photos for about 2 hours then i went home.

School term is coming to a close

2008-05-22T20:20:00.004+08:00

YAY tmr is officially the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! of course next week there are unofficial days...but YEAH NO MORNING ASSEMBLY!!

Today i was all paranoid for the history quiz, i swear i thought it was going to be a killer one. Last year i remember the history quiz was super tough. Either that or i just didn't study heh. Today's test was very easy. I mean i knew ALL the answers except the _______ Declaration. (fill in the blank). @_@ i still don't know the answer after DISSECTING my lecture book...

Not that im trying to show off, but i think this year i have improved. And it shows in my results i guess. But i have to be more consistent, like i can't study when i feel like it only. And recently i have been slacking off...due to dramas and MAYBE photography. But i promised ma that i would not let photography get in the way of my studies. Im trying to get a minimum D for all my subjects in mid years. And slowly improve, like promos get all c's, j2 mid years... IF POSSIBLE maybe all B's, then by A levels i'll be ready.

Slowly la, step by step, a little bit here and a little bit there, i'll reach my destination soon enough.

Today i played around with the portrait function, i like it as it brings the subject into focus and blurs out the background further emphasizing the subject. HAHA had no model so i tried it out on myself. And later after dinner, i tried it on a plum..that i had taken a bite into.

I think the framing needs work here tho.

This is the plum i took a bite out of.

With a darker sort of background...darn it, i should have removed my blue cup...then again maybe a contrast in colour is good as well...hmmm

Here's one i took with a reflective surface...heh actually it was my portable LG dvd player...as you can see spects of dust from the previous photo....then i cleaned it afterwards.

I suddenly was hit with a terrible cold just now...and i am sneezing my eyes out even as i type this post. I think i have a sinus problem...like a major one. Something must have irritated my nose which started me sneezing and causing the blocking up of my nose...now my throat hurts like hell. I already took my medicine so it should be subsiding soon. Haha it sounds like a storm, but yeah that's what it feels like. A HUGE STORM. And i sneezed so hard one time, my heart actually stopped for about 1 second.

I heard somewhere that everytime you sneeze it's like having a mini heart attack...

Oh please dear nose, please unblock. It's so terrible to have a cold, i feel irritated and im in constant agony. Sigh...TOMORROW'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TERM! WHOOOH!!

Shots taken last night

2008-05-21T18:17:00.006+08:00

From my room window.

I played around with the shutter speed, the first one was 2 seconds while the second and third pictures were shot at 4 seconds. 2 seconds lets a lot more light in. I didn't realise it made that big a difference actually, well now i know i guess.

This morning i had another of my coughing fits and it lasted till after pe. I took my medicine during morning assembly that's why it went away after awhile. It was really bad my throat was so itchy and i was coughing and coughing till my eyeballs almost popped out from all the hard coughing.

Actually i have a lot of homework to complete today

1) Econs corrections (i was supposed to hand it in by the end of today)

2) History punishment

3) Study for history quiz tmr

4) Math tutorial

5) History file

Aiyah so mah fan.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE: recently ive been(should not have been actually) watching a new drama online, its called 命中注定我爱你/ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni/ fated to love you.

ITS VERY VERY VERY NICE!!! AHHH hahah i think they make a cute couple. Its about these 2 strangers that accidentally end up having sex on a cruise thinking the other was their own partner (gf/bf) and the girl gets pregnant and has to marry him. WHY because his family has been yearning for a next generation, and he's the only heir so they need more heirs to the family's leading soap company as well as all their wealth and property.

CUTE eh? haha you can watch here, this is the user's profile page...all his vids are from the show.

http://www.veoh.com/users/randomfs

alright its time for me to get down to business... TOODLES.

And so the weekend ends...

2008-05-19T19:26:00.006+08:00

Today i went by myself to shoot some.

Hmmm i took about a hundred shots but only one made me really happy.

And maybe this one too...this was before photoshop

and after...

And tomorrow begins the last week of the term, but after that we still have another 2 agonizing weeks of school AKA TORTURE! Argh...sigh...sob...sniff. We have pathetic lives eh.

Also i finally got an external hard drive, 160GB worth of space so i can keep all my pics, music and movies there. Already ive used up 10GB! Didn't know i had that much stuff on my com. Good la now my com might speed up after deleting all the unnecessary junk.

Sigh just the thought of school really puts a damper on my beautiful weekend that's coming to an end. No i am determined to enjoy every blinkin' minute of it and i won't think of school till tomorrow. HMPF.

PS...IM STILL HAPPY.